From the always amusing tvinjapan.
This is a web capture from a Japanese Flash game. It features Victorian women having a slap-fest. Work out your mad mouse skills and exorcise all those Victorian anger issues.
I like to think of the participants as characters from various works of classic literature.
First screen: Pride and Prejudice.
Elizabeth and the uppity Ms. Bingley.
Let that snobby wench know that her attentions towards Mr. Darcy are unappreciated!
The second: Jane Eyre.
Jane Eyre vs. Just About Anybody.
Jane is mad as the Dickens and she's not taking it anymore!
The third: Rebecca
The Nameless Wonder vs. The Creepy Housekeeper (Mrs. Danvers?)
I know I spent the whole book wishing the girl would stand up for herself.
The fourth: Any Dickens Book
Because he always features creepy, evil, old people.
The fifth, featuring the big boss:
I'll admit I'm at a loss here. I can't think of any obese people from literature.
Does Ursula from Little Mermaid count?
If you want to play the game, you can find it here: Slapfest!
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Hooray for Bad Writing!
The results of the 2007 Bulwer-Lytton contest are here!
The contest is based on the writings of Bulwer-Lytton, the man who first wrote "It was a dark and stormy night..."
Contestants enter a single sentence, and try to make it as horrible as possible.
And what better way to spend a muggy afternoon then perusing the finest of some truly awful writing.
My favorites are almost always from the Detective Category.
Winner: Detective
I'd been tailing this guy for over an hour while he tried every trick in the book to lose me: going down side streets, doubling back, suddenly veering into shop doorways, jumping out again, crossing the street, looking for somewhere to make the drop, and I was going to be there when he did it because his disguise as a postman didn't have me fooled for a minute.
Bob Millar
Hässelby, Sweden
Runner-Up
She'd been strangled with a rosary-not a run-of-the-mill rosary like you might get at a Catholic bookstore where Hail Marys are two for a quarter and indulgences are included on the back flap of the May issue of "Nuns and Roses" magazine, but a fancy heirloom rosary with pearls, rubies, and a solid gold cross, a rosary with attitude, the kind of rosary that said, "Get your Jehovah's Witness butt off my front porch."
Mark Schweizer
Hopkinsville, KY
Dishonorable Mention
What shocked Juliette as she entered the room was not that there was an escaped convict under her coverlet snuggling with her best teddy bear, but that there was a knife through his back, "And who," she wondered out loud, steadying herself against the faux-taffeta wallpaper, "would stab a teddy bear?"
Katie Alender
Studio City, CA
I also like this third place winner for Fantasy:
Dishonorable Mention
At Elvenheim there was great joy, in that the legendary Ring of the Nordlings had been retrieved from the evil Sudlings by the hero Bill Baggydrawers, who it must be said looked nothing like a hero, at least none I've ever seen, and the Ring had once again been placed on the middle finger of the left hand of the Elvenking, who did rather resemble a king, even if his buck teeth made him look for all the world like a great rabbit.
Wayne McCoy
Gainesville Fl
Here are some excellent dishonorable mentions from the Purple Prose category:
The highway coiled up and around the mountain like a snake ready to strike because it was being harassed by one of those annoying guys on "Animal Planet."
Brent Sheppard
Morganton, NC
The tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife, not even a sharp knife, but a dull one from that set of cheap knives you received as a wedding gift in a faux wooden block; the one you told yourself you'd replace, but in the end, forgot about because your husband ran off with another man, that kind of knife.
Lisa Lindquist
Oak West, Jackson, MI
Hah! Love the Runner up in the Romance category:
There was a pregnant pause-- as pregnant as Judith had just told Darren she was (about seven and a half weeks along), which was why there was a pause in the first place.
Tracy Stapp
Santa Ana, CA
Winner: Western
The easy and comforting roll of the saddle was second nature to Luke, and as he gazed off into the distant setting sun, he wondered whether he had enough change for one more ride at the supermarket before he had to return to the home.
Glenn Lawrie
Chungnam, South Korea
The contest is based on the writings of Bulwer-Lytton, the man who first wrote "It was a dark and stormy night..."
Contestants enter a single sentence, and try to make it as horrible as possible.
And what better way to spend a muggy afternoon then perusing the finest of some truly awful writing.
My favorites are almost always from the Detective Category.
Winner: Detective
I'd been tailing this guy for over an hour while he tried every trick in the book to lose me: going down side streets, doubling back, suddenly veering into shop doorways, jumping out again, crossing the street, looking for somewhere to make the drop, and I was going to be there when he did it because his disguise as a postman didn't have me fooled for a minute.
Bob Millar
Hässelby, Sweden
Runner-Up
She'd been strangled with a rosary-not a run-of-the-mill rosary like you might get at a Catholic bookstore where Hail Marys are two for a quarter and indulgences are included on the back flap of the May issue of "Nuns and Roses" magazine, but a fancy heirloom rosary with pearls, rubies, and a solid gold cross, a rosary with attitude, the kind of rosary that said, "Get your Jehovah's Witness butt off my front porch."
Mark Schweizer
Hopkinsville, KY
Dishonorable Mention
What shocked Juliette as she entered the room was not that there was an escaped convict under her coverlet snuggling with her best teddy bear, but that there was a knife through his back, "And who," she wondered out loud, steadying herself against the faux-taffeta wallpaper, "would stab a teddy bear?"
Katie Alender
Studio City, CA
I also like this third place winner for Fantasy:
Dishonorable Mention
At Elvenheim there was great joy, in that the legendary Ring of the Nordlings had been retrieved from the evil Sudlings by the hero Bill Baggydrawers, who it must be said looked nothing like a hero, at least none I've ever seen, and the Ring had once again been placed on the middle finger of the left hand of the Elvenking, who did rather resemble a king, even if his buck teeth made him look for all the world like a great rabbit.
Wayne McCoy
Gainesville Fl
Here are some excellent dishonorable mentions from the Purple Prose category:
The highway coiled up and around the mountain like a snake ready to strike because it was being harassed by one of those annoying guys on "Animal Planet."
Brent Sheppard
Morganton, NC
The tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife, not even a sharp knife, but a dull one from that set of cheap knives you received as a wedding gift in a faux wooden block; the one you told yourself you'd replace, but in the end, forgot about because your husband ran off with another man, that kind of knife.
Lisa Lindquist
Oak West, Jackson, MI
Hah! Love the Runner up in the Romance category:
There was a pregnant pause-- as pregnant as Judith had just told Darren she was (about seven and a half weeks along), which was why there was a pause in the first place.
Tracy Stapp
Santa Ana, CA
Winner: Western
The easy and comforting roll of the saddle was second nature to Luke, and as he gazed off into the distant setting sun, he wondered whether he had enough change for one more ride at the supermarket before he had to return to the home.
Glenn Lawrie
Chungnam, South Korea
Monday, July 30, 2007
Weekend of Cool Grossness
Friday night I went out with some friends to The Flying Fish, a sushi restaurant with a cool renovated "speak easy" in the basement.
Since I don't like sushi, I was perusing the salad menu when my Romanian Friend (RF) asked what I was thinking of ordering.
Me: Well, the Caesar sounds good but it comes with white anchovies.
RF: Ah, you don't like anchovies?
Me: I've never had them.
RF: Well you have to at least try them!!
BSA: If they're gross you can always just pick them off.
This is true. A fish is probably the easiest thing in the world to pick off a salad.
So I ordered the Caesar, and so did RF. When they brought out the salads the two white fish were laid dramatically across the top. I was admiring the effect of their shiny, shiny whiteness against the dark green of the romaine while RF happily speared one with a fork, and popped it in her mouth.
"It's good! Your turn."
So I speared the fish, which promptly flopped over the fork in order to show off it's flippy-floppy tail for maximum effect.
I decided that it might need a little help from a piece of romaine with lots of dressing.
And some cheese.
And maybe a crouton.
As I was trying to get the crouton on my overloaded fork RF sighed "Oh just eat it already!"
So I did. It was surprisingly good. It was neither as crunchy or as fishy as I was expecting.
***
Saturday I went to the Bodies Exhibit.
This is where people have donated their bodies to science, and the scientists have used a special plastic preservative to keep them from decaying. They have all kinds of fascinating dissections with zero nasty smell.
I have dissected my share of critters, as well as handling human cadavers and I can un-equivocally state that the lack of smell was very nice.
The skeletons with intact eyes were a little bizarre though.
Some of the specimens are preserved in action: playing basketball, conducting music, performing tai chi, etc. so that you can see what your muscles are doing when you move.
Very cool.
I think my favorite was the circulatory system. They had exhibits with all the arteries of various body parts. The amount of skill to dissect and remove all those tiny vessels intact is just mind boggling. I must have stood in front of the lower leg for 5 minutes, just staring at that amazing mass of blood vessels.
Some of the exhibits aren't very pleasant. They have specimens with cancer, smoker lungs, and other such unfortunate health problems.
The only exhibit that really creeped me out though was the human skin that had been removed in two, complete, giant pieces. Front and Back. With little holes where the eyes, nose and mouth had been. Then the two pieces laid out, front on the back, like someone had just unzipped the guy all the way around and peeled it off.
The only other thing on the table was a small placard telling you all about the amazing organ that is the human skin.
It just seemed... so wrong.
Since I don't like sushi, I was perusing the salad menu when my Romanian Friend (RF) asked what I was thinking of ordering.
Me: Well, the Caesar sounds good but it comes with white anchovies.
RF: Ah, you don't like anchovies?
Me: I've never had them.
RF: Well you have to at least try them!!
BSA: If they're gross you can always just pick them off.
This is true. A fish is probably the easiest thing in the world to pick off a salad.
So I ordered the Caesar, and so did RF. When they brought out the salads the two white fish were laid dramatically across the top. I was admiring the effect of their shiny, shiny whiteness against the dark green of the romaine while RF happily speared one with a fork, and popped it in her mouth.
"It's good! Your turn."
So I speared the fish, which promptly flopped over the fork in order to show off it's flippy-floppy tail for maximum effect.
I decided that it might need a little help from a piece of romaine with lots of dressing.
And some cheese.
And maybe a crouton.
As I was trying to get the crouton on my overloaded fork RF sighed "Oh just eat it already!"
So I did. It was surprisingly good. It was neither as crunchy or as fishy as I was expecting.
***
Saturday I went to the Bodies Exhibit.
This is where people have donated their bodies to science, and the scientists have used a special plastic preservative to keep them from decaying. They have all kinds of fascinating dissections with zero nasty smell.
I have dissected my share of critters, as well as handling human cadavers and I can un-equivocally state that the lack of smell was very nice.
The skeletons with intact eyes were a little bizarre though.
Some of the specimens are preserved in action: playing basketball, conducting music, performing tai chi, etc. so that you can see what your muscles are doing when you move.
Very cool.
I think my favorite was the circulatory system. They had exhibits with all the arteries of various body parts. The amount of skill to dissect and remove all those tiny vessels intact is just mind boggling. I must have stood in front of the lower leg for 5 minutes, just staring at that amazing mass of blood vessels.
Some of the exhibits aren't very pleasant. They have specimens with cancer, smoker lungs, and other such unfortunate health problems.
The only exhibit that really creeped me out though was the human skin that had been removed in two, complete, giant pieces. Front and Back. With little holes where the eyes, nose and mouth had been. Then the two pieces laid out, front on the back, like someone had just unzipped the guy all the way around and peeled it off.
The only other thing on the table was a small placard telling you all about the amazing organ that is the human skin.
It just seemed... so wrong.
Monday Music
I didn't really peruse any AMVs over the weekend. I was too caught up in the abridged Yugioh episodes.
So here's my favorite dance from last week's episode of SYTYCD: Pasha and Lauren's hip hop, choreographed by Shane Sparks.
Cat had a weird Greek theme going last week. At least this one is better than the thing she was wearing Thursday.
So here's my favorite dance from last week's episode of SYTYCD: Pasha and Lauren's hip hop, choreographed by Shane Sparks.
Cat had a weird Greek theme going last week. At least this one is better than the thing she was wearing Thursday.
Friday, July 27, 2007
Friday Fun
The Zuiikin English girls are back!
Stay in shape and learn helpful English phrases too. This installment teaches us how to describe important medical symptoms. Personally, the mugging phrases are still my favorite, but this made me smile.
Stay in shape and learn helpful English phrases too. This installment teaches us how to describe important medical symptoms. Personally, the mugging phrases are still my favorite, but this made me smile.
Thursday, July 26, 2007
More Harry Potter
During this interview with MSNBC, J.K. Rowling offers more details about the epilogue of Harry Potter.
Spoilers abound, so don't read it if you haven't finished the book. I'm especially grateful for the update on Luna, but still nothing on George?
Come on Rowling!! What about George?!
ADDED: Did y'all see Monday's Sally Forth? Wasn't it just adorable?
I felt that way too.
Spoilers abound, so don't read it if you haven't finished the book. I'm especially grateful for the update on Luna, but still nothing on George?
Come on Rowling!! What about George?!
ADDED: Did y'all see Monday's Sally Forth? Wasn't it just adorable?
I felt that way too.
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Sweet, sweet lunch hour
How do I love thee?
Today I really wanted to try something new, so I got a deli recommendation from one of the other ninjas (along with some directions) and went in search of a new lunch experience.
I got a really good sandwich. It started out as a BLT; a quick swipe of mayo, followed by thick fluffy lettuce, tomato slices, and two pieces of bacon that appeared to have not only come from an actual pig, but where also thrown in a frying pan at some point in time. (I enjoy McDonald's breakfast sandwiches, but their version of bacon is some weird stuff.)
On top of that were fresh slices of avocado, and then a heaping ice cream scoop of egg salad.
Served of course, with a quarter sliced dill pickle. I didn't see the guy wrap it at first, and was bitterly disappointed at this breach of the deli code. Serve a sandwich without a side pickle? Madness!!
It was a really good sandwich, and totally worth yelling "I'd like a Yankee Doodle on White!" over the busy counter.
I think delis come up with sandwich names just so they can giggle when a suit comes in and says "I'd like a Big Momma on Rye" or "I'd like a Young Republican without onions."
That's my theory anyway. Deli menus, crafted with humor.
On a slightly related note, I think my local CVS has been taken by the enemy. What else explains the total lack of ho-hos or fireballs? Obviously the inventory was raided by rival ninjas in order to break my spirit. Who can face the dreaded drudgery of a Wednesday afternoon without snacks?
That's how you end up like this guy.
Today I really wanted to try something new, so I got a deli recommendation from one of the other ninjas (along with some directions) and went in search of a new lunch experience.
I got a really good sandwich. It started out as a BLT; a quick swipe of mayo, followed by thick fluffy lettuce, tomato slices, and two pieces of bacon that appeared to have not only come from an actual pig, but where also thrown in a frying pan at some point in time. (I enjoy McDonald's breakfast sandwiches, but their version of bacon is some weird stuff.)
On top of that were fresh slices of avocado, and then a heaping ice cream scoop of egg salad.
Served of course, with a quarter sliced dill pickle. I didn't see the guy wrap it at first, and was bitterly disappointed at this breach of the deli code. Serve a sandwich without a side pickle? Madness!!
It was a really good sandwich, and totally worth yelling "I'd like a Yankee Doodle on White!" over the busy counter.
I think delis come up with sandwich names just so they can giggle when a suit comes in and says "I'd like a Big Momma on Rye" or "I'd like a Young Republican without onions."
That's my theory anyway. Deli menus, crafted with humor.
On a slightly related note, I think my local CVS has been taken by the enemy. What else explains the total lack of ho-hos or fireballs? Obviously the inventory was raided by rival ninjas in order to break my spirit. Who can face the dreaded drudgery of a Wednesday afternoon without snacks?
That's how you end up like this guy.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
COLIN FIRTH ALERT!!!
What's that you say? Colin Firth is involved in a sword and sorcery pseudo-historical bio-epic?
I like Colin Firth. I really do. But the role of disillusioned Roman General has already been defined by Russel Crowe, and the rest of the movie looks, well, not good.
I like Colin Firth. I really do. But the role of disillusioned Roman General has already been defined by Russel Crowe, and the rest of the movie looks, well, not good.
Tres Chic
Friday, something horrible happened.
I opened my closet, stared at my clothes, and realized that I hated everything I owned and therefore had nothing to wear.
Since I hate clothes shopping, I decided to go for the next step and get a drastic haircut. Because if I change my hair style, my clothing will look different and I'll be interested in it again and I can avoid the horrors of trying on clothes designed for mutant stick people who should really eat a sandwich for pity's sake.
Very logical.
So Monday I found myself in a salon, featuring white couches and funky euro-techno, watching copious amounts of hair fall to the floor.
3 different people wandered by to sweep up during the hour I was there.
I want to get a stamp, so I can keep score for every hair stylist that, armed only with a comb, scissors, and spray bottle, bravily wrestles my hair until at some point they have to concede something like:
"It's SO thick"
or
"Man you have a lot of hair"
or
"I didn't seem like that much when I started"
My hair has aspirations. It wants to be the Dunwich Horror.
Anyway, an hour later I emerged with a cut I would describe as "Emo." Short and shaggy in back, with graded sides, getting longer to the front, so as to frame my face as dramatically as possible.
Hey, it worked for Spiderman.
Everyone at work seems to like it. They describe it as "chic" or possibly "shiek."
I opened my closet, stared at my clothes, and realized that I hated everything I owned and therefore had nothing to wear.
Since I hate clothes shopping, I decided to go for the next step and get a drastic haircut. Because if I change my hair style, my clothing will look different and I'll be interested in it again and I can avoid the horrors of trying on clothes designed for mutant stick people who should really eat a sandwich for pity's sake.
Very logical.
So Monday I found myself in a salon, featuring white couches and funky euro-techno, watching copious amounts of hair fall to the floor.
3 different people wandered by to sweep up during the hour I was there.
I want to get a stamp, so I can keep score for every hair stylist that, armed only with a comb, scissors, and spray bottle, bravily wrestles my hair until at some point they have to concede something like:
"It's SO thick"
or
"Man you have a lot of hair"
or
"I didn't seem like that much when I started"
My hair has aspirations. It wants to be the Dunwich Horror.
Anyway, an hour later I emerged with a cut I would describe as "Emo." Short and shaggy in back, with graded sides, getting longer to the front, so as to frame my face as dramatically as possible.
Hey, it worked for Spiderman.
Everyone at work seems to like it. They describe it as "chic" or possibly "shiek."
Monday, July 23, 2007
Drabble: Harry Potter edition
Today's 100 words writing prompt was
"In the spirit of the occasion: How would you get into (or stay out of) trouble at Hogwarts?"
I thought this was a fun idea and decided to write something up.
The Triumph of Slytherin
The test was rigged. I knew from the start that we’d been set up to fail, but there were ways around that.
I flicked dirt off my Slytherin badge and gathered my grumbling team.
I pulled out a piece of parchment and tapped it with my wand. Hartford had stolen it from the exam proctor and by activating the mirroring spell, I’d have the guide for the entire course.
I looked down as elegant writing began scrolling across the parchment.
Hartford and I smiled at each other.
“Let’s kick some Gryffindor trash.”
Following our map, we raced through the test.
Here's the background on my story.
1. Many years ago (I believe somewhere around HP:3) I went to visit my sister and her kids, who were all very excited because they found the sorting hat quiz on the Harry Potter movie website.
My various neices and nephews had all taken it and been sorted (Split evenly between HufflePuff and Gryffindor) and they wanted to see where I'd end up.
I took the test and to their great delight I was sorted into Slytherin. I was annoyed because they were all laughing at me, and because I wanted to be in Ravenclaw. So I took it again, changing my answers to be more Ravenclawey.(It's a word. I just invented it.)
Again I ended up in Slytherin. At this point my sister pointed out that since I had tried to cheat the test to get what I wanted, Slytherin was probably the right house for me. Her logic was sound, so I have accepted my snakey fate. Besides, I look good in green and silver.
2. It's based on a true story. I was at a Navy school and dominating my class. The instructors thought it would be amusing to see how I would handle various "handicaps" to the final exam simulations. At one point I had to threaten appealing for an academic review (It really did get bad) and by the end all I cared about was beating them at their own game. The real story can't be told in 100 words or less, but it was pretty hilarious, and ended with me being chased through the school by one extremely angry instructor.
So there's your lesson kids. If youcheat use resources that were never technically forbidden to you, you could find yourself running through the halls, laughing your head off, while being chased by an angry man wielding a makeshift club.
"In the spirit of the occasion: How would you get into (or stay out of) trouble at Hogwarts?"
I thought this was a fun idea and decided to write something up.
The Triumph of Slytherin
The test was rigged. I knew from the start that we’d been set up to fail, but there were ways around that.
I flicked dirt off my Slytherin badge and gathered my grumbling team.
I pulled out a piece of parchment and tapped it with my wand. Hartford had stolen it from the exam proctor and by activating the mirroring spell, I’d have the guide for the entire course.
I looked down as elegant writing began scrolling across the parchment.
Hartford and I smiled at each other.
“Let’s kick some Gryffindor trash.”
Following our map, we raced through the test.
Here's the background on my story.
1. Many years ago (I believe somewhere around HP:3) I went to visit my sister and her kids, who were all very excited because they found the sorting hat quiz on the Harry Potter movie website.
My various neices and nephews had all taken it and been sorted (Split evenly between HufflePuff and Gryffindor) and they wanted to see where I'd end up.
I took the test and to their great delight I was sorted into Slytherin. I was annoyed because they were all laughing at me, and because I wanted to be in Ravenclaw. So I took it again, changing my answers to be more Ravenclawey.(It's a word. I just invented it.)
Again I ended up in Slytherin. At this point my sister pointed out that since I had tried to cheat the test to get what I wanted, Slytherin was probably the right house for me. Her logic was sound, so I have accepted my snakey fate. Besides, I look good in green and silver.
2. It's based on a true story. I was at a Navy school and dominating my class. The instructors thought it would be amusing to see how I would handle various "handicaps" to the final exam simulations. At one point I had to threaten appealing for an academic review (It really did get bad) and by the end all I cared about was beating them at their own game. The real story can't be told in 100 words or less, but it was pretty hilarious, and ended with me being chased through the school by one extremely angry instructor.
So there's your lesson kids. If you
Harry Pottor and The Deathly Hallows
My copy arrived via UPS at 5:00 Sat evening. I finished it last night at 11:15.
It's very good. Very dark. I really want to talk about it, but find it difficult to do without spoilers.
And spoiling the ending is just un-American.
So I'll wait a little bit. I think I'll post my thoughts next week? Hopefully that will give everyone time to read it, and give me time to review a huge gaping plot hole. I think I might have missed something when I was reading it. I hope so, because it's my only major issue with the book.
So, til next Monday then.
It's very good. Very dark. I really want to talk about it, but find it difficult to do without spoilers.
And spoiling the ending is just un-American.
So I'll wait a little bit. I think I'll post my thoughts next week? Hopefully that will give everyone time to read it, and give me time to review a huge gaping plot hole. I think I might have missed something when I was reading it. I hope so, because it's my only major issue with the book.
So, til next Monday then.
Friday, July 20, 2007
Friday Funny
I love Tom Lehrer. He has the power to make math amusing. This is old, I believe the "New Math" craze swept through during the early 90s, but the song is still amusing.
Thursday, July 19, 2007
SYTYCD: Last Night's Edition
Sorry, I have no idea where we're at on this show.
I had a ripping headache last night, but through the painful haze, I'm pretty sure I had the following thoughts:
I love Pasha and Sara. They're my favorite. Even the horrible 80s spandex, suspenders, and the return of the side ponytail could not take down their combined awesomeness.
I also like Dominic and Sabra a lot too. I remember really liking their dance, whatever it was.
Does anyone else feel that the ballroom choreographer with the nasty greasy tiny soul patch is insecure about ballroom not being "cool." He seems very defensive this season, trying to make all his dances "cool" or "edgy" and gets very "upset" when the jidges diss the dance and say it is "boring."
All right. I'll stop with the "scare" "quotes."
Wade Robson is one weird dude.
Mia Michaels mullet was less prominent in this episode. Her dance... bizarre.
Mary Murphy makes my head hurt. She does give The Soup a lot of fodder though.
What did you guys think? Did you like the Mia Michaels hamburgler dance or did it just weird you out?
I had a ripping headache last night, but through the painful haze, I'm pretty sure I had the following thoughts:
I love Pasha and Sara. They're my favorite. Even the horrible 80s spandex, suspenders, and the return of the side ponytail could not take down their combined awesomeness.
I also like Dominic and Sabra a lot too. I remember really liking their dance, whatever it was.
Does anyone else feel that the ballroom choreographer with the nasty greasy tiny soul patch is insecure about ballroom not being "cool." He seems very defensive this season, trying to make all his dances "cool" or "edgy" and gets very "upset" when the jidges diss the dance and say it is "boring."
All right. I'll stop with the "scare" "quotes."
Wade Robson is one weird dude.
Mia Michaels mullet was less prominent in this episode. Her dance... bizarre.
Mary Murphy makes my head hurt. She does give The Soup a lot of fodder though.
What did you guys think? Did you like the Mia Michaels hamburgler dance or did it just weird you out?
On Copiers and Macaroni
They say that a watched pot never boils, but does the same apply to copiers. Does a watched copier always jam? Run out of paper? Wait for you to leave and the flash the error light? Evil Copier.
And why on earth does the Color Cannon smell like boiling macaroni in the first place? Am I really hungry enough that the smell of ink and burning gears is being translated as pasta in my brain?
I pondered on these thoughts as I fixed the jams and restocked the paper.
But it wasn't until I walked down the hall and reached the kitchen that I realized someone was making Top Ramen and that's what started all this boiling philosophy in the first place.
Beef Flavor by the smell of it. I used to live on that stuff in my wild undergrad days.
And why on earth does the Color Cannon smell like boiling macaroni in the first place? Am I really hungry enough that the smell of ink and burning gears is being translated as pasta in my brain?
I pondered on these thoughts as I fixed the jams and restocked the paper.
But it wasn't until I walked down the hall and reached the kitchen that I realized someone was making Top Ramen and that's what started all this boiling philosophy in the first place.
Beef Flavor by the smell of it. I used to live on that stuff in my wild undergrad days.
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Awesome Political Debate
Seriously, if you wanted to get more people to watch the debates, this is a way to do it. It's politics with music video sensibilities.
The best part? When they laugh at the Kucinich girl. Down with the Evil Elf!
The best part? When they laugh at the Kucinich girl. Down with the Evil Elf!
Ninja Report: Caught in the inky blackness of a sweltering day
7:30: Catch train
7:45: Stop at airport. Warned of delays due to sick passenger.
8:00: Still at airport. Train evacuated.
8:15: Manage to battle my way through the thronging hordes AND secure a seat on the first train to make it through on the alternate track.
I hope y'all appreciate just how big of an accomplishment that is. Some of those suits wield a mean briefcase.
11:00: Things are going well despite my late start. I'm just doing normal ninja-office things, setting traps around my stapler, doing battle with the copier demon, the usual, when suddenly, all the lights go out.
11:01: Everyone sits stunned for a moment, waiting for the lights to come back on. The computers and printers are still working. The lights don't come back on.
11:02: The dark wizard from IT runs through the hall, yelling, "Log out! Log out! Log out! For the love of Confuscious shut down before the Server goes!!!"
11:02:10: I'm logged out. Because I am that good.
11:10: Scouting report confirms that some rooms have lights and power, some rooms have no light and no power, some rooms have power but no light. For reasons no one can fathom, one of the microwaves is working, but the one right next to it is not.
Casualty: The fridge. This inspires an impromptu ice cream party.
11:20: Scout reports that the phones have a three hour battery. The elevators are currently working, but an office pool has already started for when they'll die out. People start taking the stairs.
11:25: I discover that while the phone is working, the caller ID is a bit difficult to read in the dark. This prompts some fun banter between myself and fellow office ninjas until we realize that when the lights went, they took the AC with them.
11:40: Early lunch. The kitchen still has light and AC. However, the coffee machines have joined the list of casualities. There is much weeping and wailing.
1:00: Wander back to station. Begin reading by candlelight. Those who still have AC discuss the possiblity of roaming sweaty hordes crashing their offices.
2:00: The phones die. Ninja buddy and I discuss the feasability of placing an order with the pizza place across the street through semaphore.
3:00: Power is restored. The sweet, sweet breeze of cooled air pours from the ceiling like the breath of heaven.
7:45: Stop at airport. Warned of delays due to sick passenger.
8:00: Still at airport. Train evacuated.
8:15: Manage to battle my way through the thronging hordes AND secure a seat on the first train to make it through on the alternate track.
I hope y'all appreciate just how big of an accomplishment that is. Some of those suits wield a mean briefcase.
11:00: Things are going well despite my late start. I'm just doing normal ninja-office things, setting traps around my stapler, doing battle with the copier demon, the usual, when suddenly, all the lights go out.
11:01: Everyone sits stunned for a moment, waiting for the lights to come back on. The computers and printers are still working. The lights don't come back on.
11:02: The dark wizard from IT runs through the hall, yelling, "Log out! Log out! Log out! For the love of Confuscious shut down before the Server goes!!!"
11:02:10: I'm logged out. Because I am that good.
11:10: Scouting report confirms that some rooms have lights and power, some rooms have no light and no power, some rooms have power but no light. For reasons no one can fathom, one of the microwaves is working, but the one right next to it is not.
Casualty: The fridge. This inspires an impromptu ice cream party.
11:20: Scout reports that the phones have a three hour battery. The elevators are currently working, but an office pool has already started for when they'll die out. People start taking the stairs.
11:25: I discover that while the phone is working, the caller ID is a bit difficult to read in the dark. This prompts some fun banter between myself and fellow office ninjas until we realize that when the lights went, they took the AC with them.
11:40: Early lunch. The kitchen still has light and AC. However, the coffee machines have joined the list of casualities. There is much weeping and wailing.
1:00: Wander back to station. Begin reading by candlelight. Those who still have AC discuss the possiblity of roaming sweaty hordes crashing their offices.
2:00: The phones die. Ninja buddy and I discuss the feasability of placing an order with the pizza place across the street through semaphore.
3:00: Power is restored. The sweet, sweet breeze of cooled air pours from the ceiling like the breath of heaven.
Monday, July 16, 2007
Monday Music
Something a little different today. It's Dame Shirley Bassey's cover of Pink's "Get the Party Started."
Friday, July 13, 2007
Bastille Day
Tomorrow, as I'm sure you're all aware, is France's Independence Day. Every year, the French restaurant Les Halles down on 12th and Penn celebrates Bastille Day by hosting an annual waiter race.
Today I managed to schedule a really late lunch so I could go down and watch.
They had the street blocked off, with little cones designating the racing track down Pennsylvania Ave. There were red, white, and blue balloons, and the restaurant had some cooks outside. You could buy a spicy lamb sausage in a baguette, and french fries, and then they had wine on ice. Contemporary music played from a set of speakers. (Sorry Mozart!)
In the center of the block, naturally, Marie Antoinette and the Statue of Liberty were having lunch.
I found a spot on the street, plopped myself down (I'm sure I have a lovely dust mark the bottom of my black business pants), and people watched.
It was worth it to get there early, just to watch Marie Antoinette dance to Usher. The sight of a girl in full 18th Century costume dancing hip-hop inspired the old lady next to me to growl. "That girl in the wig must be hotter than hell."
It cracked me up.
Anyway, the waiters lined up (any professional server working in a restaurant in DC can sign up for the race) and a man with a thick French accent came on and listed the prizes (I'm assuming they're fabulous) and gave the rules. Between his accent and the PA system, he was a little hard to understand, but here are the ones I got.
-No Running (It's a Walk Don't Run race!)
-No Pushing
-No Punching
-No Kicking/Tripping
(These three make you wonder about past races)
-Each waiter has a small tray with a glass of water and a water bottle. If the water spills or the water bottle falls you're disqualified.
-They have to make five laps around the race course.
It was fun. There was one guy who really had the speed walking thing down. Several people got warned for almost running, one girl lost her glass of water, and one crazy lady wore heels. She got lapped twice.
Today I managed to schedule a really late lunch so I could go down and watch.
They had the street blocked off, with little cones designating the racing track down Pennsylvania Ave. There were red, white, and blue balloons, and the restaurant had some cooks outside. You could buy a spicy lamb sausage in a baguette, and french fries, and then they had wine on ice. Contemporary music played from a set of speakers. (Sorry Mozart!)
In the center of the block, naturally, Marie Antoinette and the Statue of Liberty were having lunch.
I found a spot on the street, plopped myself down (I'm sure I have a lovely dust mark the bottom of my black business pants), and people watched.
It was worth it to get there early, just to watch Marie Antoinette dance to Usher. The sight of a girl in full 18th Century costume dancing hip-hop inspired the old lady next to me to growl. "That girl in the wig must be hotter than hell."
It cracked me up.
Anyway, the waiters lined up (any professional server working in a restaurant in DC can sign up for the race) and a man with a thick French accent came on and listed the prizes (I'm assuming they're fabulous) and gave the rules. Between his accent and the PA system, he was a little hard to understand, but here are the ones I got.
-No Running (It's a Walk Don't Run race!)
-No Pushing
-No Punching
-No Kicking/Tripping
(These three make you wonder about past races)
-Each waiter has a small tray with a glass of water and a water bottle. If the water spills or the water bottle falls you're disqualified.
-They have to make five laps around the race course.
It was fun. There was one guy who really had the speed walking thing down. Several people got warned for almost running, one girl lost her glass of water, and one crazy lady wore heels. She got lapped twice.
Friday Funny
An extra special one for the 13th. One of my personal favorites, featuring the fattest horse in animated history.
Dang IT!!
Dang it! Dang it! Dang it!
From the blog StrangeMaps comes this beauty from The National Geographic Magazine(which has been haunting my dreams of late, but that's an entirely different story.)
Well, it explains some things anyway.
Found via Ace of Spades.
DANG IT!! Curse You National Geographic!! What did I ever do to you?!
I think I need a little help expressing my true feelings. So I'm reposting an old classic. Take it away Jack Bauer.
From the blog StrangeMaps comes this beauty from The National Geographic Magazine(which has been haunting my dreams of late, but that's an entirely different story.)
Well, it explains some things anyway.
Found via Ace of Spades.
DANG IT!! Curse You National Geographic!! What did I ever do to you?!
I think I need a little help expressing my true feelings. So I'm reposting an old classic. Take it away Jack Bauer.
Harry Potter and TOP
I really liked this movie. Three is still my favorite, but this once comes in at a close second.
I thought they did a really good job of pairing down 870 pages worth of story into 2 and half hours. It was tight, it hit all the high points, and you could understand the storyline even if you haven't read the book in a couple of years. *cough cough*
They toned down Harry a bit, so while he's still angry, he's not Harry the Constant Rage Boy.
There were some parts of the book that weren't included that I missed, but that's always going to happen, so it didn't bug me too much.
The things I really liked:
The death horses: They were amazing. They looked real. It was some amazing CGI
Luna Lovegood: Whoever cast her was a genius. That weird little Irish girl stole every scene she was in.
Helena Bonham Carter: Continues her reign as "Best Actress to Play A Crazy Person." She has so much fun being so crazy and evil, with her awesome wicked/crazy laugh, that she also dominates the few scenes she has.
Ginny Weasley: I can't remember if she even has a line, but she manages to communicate a whole lot with a few startled glances. Speaking of Ginny...
The Prophecy Room: Was amazing. The battle inside it was also fun and intense, and the scene where Ginny brings the whole thing crashing down... absolutely gorgeous.
The last fight between The Order and The DeathEaters, and Voldemort and Dumbledore was also very good. It went by so fast though, that I'd like to see it again to catch everything that was going on.
I thought they did a really good job of pairing down 870 pages worth of story into 2 and half hours. It was tight, it hit all the high points, and you could understand the storyline even if you haven't read the book in a couple of years. *cough cough*
They toned down Harry a bit, so while he's still angry, he's not Harry the Constant Rage Boy.
There were some parts of the book that weren't included that I missed, but that's always going to happen, so it didn't bug me too much.
The things I really liked:
The death horses: They were amazing. They looked real. It was some amazing CGI
Luna Lovegood: Whoever cast her was a genius. That weird little Irish girl stole every scene she was in.
Helena Bonham Carter: Continues her reign as "Best Actress to Play A Crazy Person." She has so much fun being so crazy and evil, with her awesome wicked/crazy laugh, that she also dominates the few scenes she has.
Ginny Weasley: I can't remember if she even has a line, but she manages to communicate a whole lot with a few startled glances. Speaking of Ginny...
The Prophecy Room: Was amazing. The battle inside it was also fun and intense, and the scene where Ginny brings the whole thing crashing down... absolutely gorgeous.
The last fight between The Order and The DeathEaters, and Voldemort and Dumbledore was also very good. It went by so fast though, that I'd like to see it again to catch everything that was going on.
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Story: Can you hear me now?
"I'll have this all cleared up in a quick jiffy." DFL whipped out her cell phone, flicking it open with an expert twist of the wrist.
She looked at it for a moment. A slight frown appeared. "I forgot. I don't have coverage out here in wherever-we-are fantasy land*. Stupid Verizon."
Whoops!! Look like you messed up and picked the wrong one! I hope you marked the place with your fingers so you can flip back and pick something else.
Well, I guess that doesn't really work in a digital medium, but it's how I always used to read Choose Your Own Adventure books.
Very well, I'll just repost your other options.
A: Direct the chicken house to the nearest town
B: Call 911 on her cell
C: Search the forest for help
D: Wait for Deus Ex Machina
*It's true! Feel free to look up early chapters where DFL attempted to cell phone for help.
She looked at it for a moment. A slight frown appeared. "I forgot. I don't have coverage out here in wherever-we-are fantasy land*. Stupid Verizon."
Whoops!! Look like you messed up and picked the wrong one! I hope you marked the place with your fingers so you can flip back and pick something else.
Well, I guess that doesn't really work in a digital medium, but it's how I always used to read Choose Your Own Adventure books.
Very well, I'll just repost your other options.
A: Direct the chicken house to the nearest town
C: Search the forest for help
D: Wait for Deus Ex Machina
*It's true! Feel free to look up early chapters where DFL attempted to cell phone for help.
Random Thought
Why does the smell of popcorn make me hungry when I don't even like popcorn? It seems like a more logical response should be something like this:
*sniff sniff* "Someone's making popcorn. Gross. I hate that stuff. Now I want be able to eat until I'm free of its perserverant scent."
But no. It goes more like this:
*sniff sniff* "Someone's making popcorn. Smells good. I hate that stuff. I should find something to eat. And maybe go see a movie."
*sniff sniff* "Someone's making popcorn. Gross. I hate that stuff. Now I want be able to eat until I'm free of its perserverant scent."
But no. It goes more like this:
*sniff sniff* "Someone's making popcorn. Smells good. I hate that stuff. I should find something to eat. And maybe go see a movie."
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Wow.
Given the seminary teachers I had, this is actually pretty amazing. I thought I'd do a lot worse.
You know the Bible 95%!
Wow! You are awesome! You are a true Biblical scholar, not just a hearer but a personal reader! The books, the characters, the events, the verses - you know it all! You are fantastic!
Ultimate Bible Quiz
Create MySpace Quizzes
Morning
Going to see the midnight showing of Harry Potter?
Fun.
Getting up for work 4 hours later?
Not as much fun.
I fully planned to write up a review and some other things today, but in case I don't make it, or post bizarre ramblings about the rise of the potato people or something, here's something fun to get you through the day.
A shout-out to my Scottish ancestors. Go Family History!
Fun.
Getting up for work 4 hours later?
Not as much fun.
I fully planned to write up a review and some other things today, but in case I don't make it, or post bizarre ramblings about the rise of the potato people or something, here's something fun to get you through the day.
A shout-out to my Scottish ancestors. Go Family History!
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Story: Now with Choices!
TA managed to leap from the tree just as it exploded. The blast caught her and threw her deeper into the forest, smashing her through branches until she managed to snag one with a singed, outstretched arm. She flipped up to rest on the branch, and took a quick stock of her injuries. Splinters from the exploding tree had ripped jagged holes through her gi but, thanks to her defensive training, lodged mostly in her arms and legs. TA felt like a lightly toasted porcupine. Her left arm had taken the brunt of the damage, and she gingerly tucked it in close and tied it to her chest with a bandage from her first aid pack.
A twig snapped. TA’s head snapped up as she scanned the forest. She was in no shape to fight the witch. She would leave that fight to BSA. TA started running, leaping through the trees as she headed for the rendezvous point.
As TA was making her tactical retreat, the sounds of smashing limbs chased her. TA sped up, doubling back and switching her trail to shake her tail, but her pursuer kept pace. The old woman couldn't move this fast, perhaps she had sent a familiar or a monster. Determined to see her enemy, TA dropped a gas bomb and hid herself in the branches of a tree. She waited. Out of the trees swung a twitching cluster of greenery, using vines and tendrils it swung to a branch and stopped. TA watched in horror as the vines curled around a bloody spot on the trunk, thorns piercing deep into the bark as the leaf monster drank her blood. Behind it, she could see others creeping around her position.
“Blood-sucking leafy octopuses! Are you kidding me?!” she griped as she drew a ninjaken, her ninja short sword. Not only would the smaller blade be more efficient in the crowded tree tops, she could wield it one handed.
With a cry she leapt from the tree, her sword blurring as she sliced through dozens of tendrils that snaked out at lightening speed to catch her. One managed to get past her guard, wrapping around her boot and jerking her upside down. The vine coiled around her ankle, squeezing thorns deep into her flesh. TA screamed and used the momentum of her fall to spin around and slice the vine, freeing herself to land on a branch beneath. As she landed, she could feel the thorns still in her ankle, weakening it. She hobbled for a moment, caught off balance as the monster, sensing her weakness, rushed in. A thick vine wrapped around her sword arm, and the ninjaken slipped out of suddenly nerveless fingers.
“Oh Crap.” TA was jerked off the branch and wrapped tight into the belly of the leafy octopus, which then swung its way back to its mistress.
Yama-Uba had made herself comfortable, resting after her battle with the vampire. She heard the crackling in the forest and smiled as her spell created creatures returned from their hunt. An enormous leafy ball swung into the clearing and began unraveling, revealing a worse-for-wear TA caught in its leafy web.
“Well, well little thief,” the witch cackled, “Now you will face justice for stealing my prey. Now you will face the wrath of Yama-Uba!” Her eyes rolled back and power filled the small forest clearing as Yama-Uba formed her spell. So intent was she on her crafting, she didn’t notice when a large, bat-shaped shadow unfolded in the darkness directly behind her. BSA stepped out of the shadows, grabbed the witch’s hair, tilted her head to the side and bit deeply into her neck. As the vampire fed, the power drained out of the clearing, the vines wilted and TA dropped to forest floor.
“Ew,” BSA said as she dropped the old woman, “You owe me big time TA. She tasted like pickles and old apples.” BSA walked over to the prostrate TA, still lying on the ground. “Hey,” she gently prodded her friend, “I thought ninja always landed on their feet. Like cats.” BSA’s eyes widened as she took in her friend’s injuries. “Oh crap,” she breathed, “C’mon DFL! Get your over-privileged butt over here pronto!”
The chicken house ran into the clearing, ending nervously away from the witch on the ground.
DFL stuck her head out of a front window, “Get my what over here?” she demanded.
“Dude, TA’s hurt. Help me get her inside.” The chicken house settled on the ground and they lifted the wounded ninja inside.
DFL noticed the witch lying on the ground, “Did you kill her?”
“That one? No. She had too much power to drain it all.” BSA replied.
“Well, maybe we should do something about that.” DFL said thoughtfully.
“You’re the evil dictator be my guest.” BSA waved at the witch.
“Dictator’s don’t do that kind of thing personally. That’s why we have flunkies. Besides you’re a vampire.” She pointed out.
“But I’m a nice vampire! I like kittens, and puppies, and hugs. I can’t kill an old lady while she’s sleeping.”
“Well neither can I! It would make WW very upset. And she needs peace and quiet to heal right now.” DFL pointed out.
“Fine, well then let’s get out of here before the witch wakes up.” BSA conceded. The chicken house shuttered in agreement. The house rose in the air as its long legs stretched out, and ran in the first direction it determined as “away.”
“Whoa.” BSA said as she started sliding towards a wall. “Can you control this thing?”
“Of course I can.” DFL responded angrily, “I just need to know where we’re going first.”
“Well, I think we need help and fast. TA’s bleeding all over the entryway rug.” BSA pointed out.
“Can you stop it.” DFL looked at her friend, “I don’t do blood.”
“Well, I have some bandages and ointment left over from the ‘Bahamas Incident’ but that’s it. Get the Bag O’Stuff to make some super band-aids or something.” BSA looked over at the BOS. It was snuggled against TA’s side.
“I think it’s pining.” DFL said, “all right, you do your first aid thing. I’ll find a doctor.”
So where does DFL do?
A: Direct the chicken house to the nearest town
B: Call 911 on her cell
C: Search the forest for help
D: Wait for Deus Ex Machina
Authors note: The scenario for this bit is depressingly familiar, since, whenever I play a RPG, my character ALWAYS gets the snot beat out of them. I then spent the next part of the game watching my comrades try and find a way to heal me.
Good times. Good times.
A twig snapped. TA’s head snapped up as she scanned the forest. She was in no shape to fight the witch. She would leave that fight to BSA. TA started running, leaping through the trees as she headed for the rendezvous point.
As TA was making her tactical retreat, the sounds of smashing limbs chased her. TA sped up, doubling back and switching her trail to shake her tail, but her pursuer kept pace. The old woman couldn't move this fast, perhaps she had sent a familiar or a monster. Determined to see her enemy, TA dropped a gas bomb and hid herself in the branches of a tree. She waited. Out of the trees swung a twitching cluster of greenery, using vines and tendrils it swung to a branch and stopped. TA watched in horror as the vines curled around a bloody spot on the trunk, thorns piercing deep into the bark as the leaf monster drank her blood. Behind it, she could see others creeping around her position.
“Blood-sucking leafy octopuses! Are you kidding me?!” she griped as she drew a ninjaken, her ninja short sword. Not only would the smaller blade be more efficient in the crowded tree tops, she could wield it one handed.
With a cry she leapt from the tree, her sword blurring as she sliced through dozens of tendrils that snaked out at lightening speed to catch her. One managed to get past her guard, wrapping around her boot and jerking her upside down. The vine coiled around her ankle, squeezing thorns deep into her flesh. TA screamed and used the momentum of her fall to spin around and slice the vine, freeing herself to land on a branch beneath. As she landed, she could feel the thorns still in her ankle, weakening it. She hobbled for a moment, caught off balance as the monster, sensing her weakness, rushed in. A thick vine wrapped around her sword arm, and the ninjaken slipped out of suddenly nerveless fingers.
“Oh Crap.” TA was jerked off the branch and wrapped tight into the belly of the leafy octopus, which then swung its way back to its mistress.
Yama-Uba had made herself comfortable, resting after her battle with the vampire. She heard the crackling in the forest and smiled as her spell created creatures returned from their hunt. An enormous leafy ball swung into the clearing and began unraveling, revealing a worse-for-wear TA caught in its leafy web.
“Well, well little thief,” the witch cackled, “Now you will face justice for stealing my prey. Now you will face the wrath of Yama-Uba!” Her eyes rolled back and power filled the small forest clearing as Yama-Uba formed her spell. So intent was she on her crafting, she didn’t notice when a large, bat-shaped shadow unfolded in the darkness directly behind her. BSA stepped out of the shadows, grabbed the witch’s hair, tilted her head to the side and bit deeply into her neck. As the vampire fed, the power drained out of the clearing, the vines wilted and TA dropped to forest floor.
“Ew,” BSA said as she dropped the old woman, “You owe me big time TA. She tasted like pickles and old apples.” BSA walked over to the prostrate TA, still lying on the ground. “Hey,” she gently prodded her friend, “I thought ninja always landed on their feet. Like cats.” BSA’s eyes widened as she took in her friend’s injuries. “Oh crap,” she breathed, “C’mon DFL! Get your over-privileged butt over here pronto!”
The chicken house ran into the clearing, ending nervously away from the witch on the ground.
DFL stuck her head out of a front window, “Get my what over here?” she demanded.
“Dude, TA’s hurt. Help me get her inside.” The chicken house settled on the ground and they lifted the wounded ninja inside.
DFL noticed the witch lying on the ground, “Did you kill her?”
“That one? No. She had too much power to drain it all.” BSA replied.
“Well, maybe we should do something about that.” DFL said thoughtfully.
“You’re the evil dictator be my guest.” BSA waved at the witch.
“Dictator’s don’t do that kind of thing personally. That’s why we have flunkies. Besides you’re a vampire.” She pointed out.
“But I’m a nice vampire! I like kittens, and puppies, and hugs. I can’t kill an old lady while she’s sleeping.”
“Well neither can I! It would make WW very upset. And she needs peace and quiet to heal right now.” DFL pointed out.
“Fine, well then let’s get out of here before the witch wakes up.” BSA conceded. The chicken house shuttered in agreement. The house rose in the air as its long legs stretched out, and ran in the first direction it determined as “away.”
“Whoa.” BSA said as she started sliding towards a wall. “Can you control this thing?”
“Of course I can.” DFL responded angrily, “I just need to know where we’re going first.”
“Well, I think we need help and fast. TA’s bleeding all over the entryway rug.” BSA pointed out.
“Can you stop it.” DFL looked at her friend, “I don’t do blood.”
“Well, I have some bandages and ointment left over from the ‘Bahamas Incident’ but that’s it. Get the Bag O’Stuff to make some super band-aids or something.” BSA looked over at the BOS. It was snuggled against TA’s side.
“I think it’s pining.” DFL said, “all right, you do your first aid thing. I’ll find a doctor.”
So where does DFL do?
A: Direct the chicken house to the nearest town
B: Call 911 on her cell
C: Search the forest for help
D: Wait for Deus Ex Machina
Authors note: The scenario for this bit is depressingly familiar, since, whenever I play a RPG, my character ALWAYS gets the snot beat out of them. I then spent the next part of the game watching my comrades try and find a way to heal me.
Good times. Good times.
Woo-Hooo!!
Guess who has tickets to the midnight debut of Harry Potter and the Order of the Pheonix!!??!!!one!!!111!!!
Okay. I'm calm now.
Okay. I'm calm now.
Monday, July 09, 2007
Captain Terror
I've had a request for pictures; so here's the brave Captain guarding my latest book.
And here he is in uniform.
And here he is in uniform.
Gettysburg
BSA and I spent the weekend at Gettysburg, for the 144th Annual Re-enactment. It was a lot of fun. We drove up Friday night (Gettysburg is only 2 hours from my house) and then got up Saturday morning to stake out our spot. There's a field they have marked out for all their re-enactments. (Not on the actual parks, obviously) We got there early enough to stake out a really good spot on the right of the field, right up front.
This turned out to be the Confederate side, so most of my pictures are of confederate soldiers.
Once we had our spot secured, we wandered the tents. There was the re-enactor camp, which had demonstrations for kids, the medical demonstration, and the burial detail (complete with shallow graves. One of the graves had a hand and foot sticking out of it, and heaven help me the only thing I could think about was the ad in Weird Al's movie UHF about "Are you tired of sloppy burials?")
There was a line of food tents (funnel cake!) and a line of merchant tents selling costumes, weapon replicas, and other touristy stuff. We ended up buying soldier caps (me-Confederacy, BSA-Union) because it was incredibly hot and there was no shade.
The 11:00 battle was a cavalry battle called "Custer's trap" I can't really tell you more, because our narrator was somewhat less-than-helpful.
It went something like this:
A bunch of guys on horses ride to one side of the field. Some of them get off their horses, jump in a ditch, and preceed to fire at another group of guys on horses.
Narrator: Now the guys on the ground are dismounted cavalry.
Me: No way!
Another group of horses rides around the fence, but then rides back.
Narrator: The guys on the horses are mounted cavalry.
Me: Get out of town!
Everyone rides thier horses around, and the groups switch positions.
Narrator: If you look closely at their uniforms, you'll notice the embroidery on their sleeves. This means their in the cavalry.
Me: The devil you say!
Anyway, when there wasn't a battle, you could wander to the big tents, where they had living history presentations. We learned about the Union generals, and A.P. Hill.
That one was really good. The guy playing A.P. Hill was the same guy who played him the movie Gettysburg, and he was an excellent presenter.
We went to a Civil War wedding, a fashion show, ghost stories, a live mortar demonstration, (that was really cool) a cannon demonstration, and checked out the band, which had a guy playing the bones.
Notice that for this song, he's actually playing a jaw bone, complete with teeth.
The second battle was at 5, and it was an infantry battle. It also featured a much better narrator who explained what the groups were doing and why.
I'll hand it to those re-enactors though, it was incredibly hot and they were out there running, marching, fighting, dying dramatically (on our side, a Southern deserter made a run for it, only to be chased down and shot by an officer on horseback) and they did it all while covered head-to-toe in wool costumes and carrying a soldier's pack (including blankets).
My camera, not so great at the far away shots.
That evening, we went out to eat, and then went to the celler of the Farnsworth House Inn. The 7th most haunted house in America. Our storyteller was very good. He was an older, larger, Southern Gentleman with a wicked sense of humor. His stories had us cracking up, to the point where Becca asked if this was a ghost tour or a stand up routine.
When he started on the ghost stories though, it got pretty intense. Some of them were especially creepy, and pretty much gauranteed that I will never stay in the Farnsworth House Inn.
Never. Ever. Ever....Ev-er.
Sunday we explored the town. It's a cute little town, with lots of touristy shops that are fun to explore. Plus that part of the country is just absolutely gorgeous.
We went out to the Boyd's Bears HQ, which we were told was "Just a barn, right outside of town."
It's just a barn the way the Deathstar is just a space station.
It's fricking enormous. We had a lot of fun in there. I don't think it's possible to go in there and not spend money.
I bought a stuff orangutan and named him Capt. Terror. He will guard my books like The Librarian from the Terry Pratchett novels.
That afternoon we signed up for a bus tour of the battlefields. It was really good. We got to drive out to all the battle sites, in the order that they happened. Our CD died after the first day account, so our guide just took over.
I actually like his better. You could tell he was very passionate about the battle, and he knew all these cool little details about the various monuments that have been put up.
We went to Little Round Top, and then he showed us Devil's Den, the Slaugherhouse, the Bloody Wheatfield, and the Peach Orchard.
You don't always here about those parts of Gettysburg, and the stories there were pretty intense.
If you get a chance, it's definitely a trip worth taking.
This turned out to be the Confederate side, so most of my pictures are of confederate soldiers.
Once we had our spot secured, we wandered the tents. There was the re-enactor camp, which had demonstrations for kids, the medical demonstration, and the burial detail (complete with shallow graves. One of the graves had a hand and foot sticking out of it, and heaven help me the only thing I could think about was the ad in Weird Al's movie UHF about "Are you tired of sloppy burials?")
There was a line of food tents (funnel cake!) and a line of merchant tents selling costumes, weapon replicas, and other touristy stuff. We ended up buying soldier caps (me-Confederacy, BSA-Union) because it was incredibly hot and there was no shade.
The 11:00 battle was a cavalry battle called "Custer's trap" I can't really tell you more, because our narrator was somewhat less-than-helpful.
It went something like this:
A bunch of guys on horses ride to one side of the field. Some of them get off their horses, jump in a ditch, and preceed to fire at another group of guys on horses.
Narrator: Now the guys on the ground are dismounted cavalry.
Me: No way!
Another group of horses rides around the fence, but then rides back.
Narrator: The guys on the horses are mounted cavalry.
Me: Get out of town!
Everyone rides thier horses around, and the groups switch positions.
Narrator: If you look closely at their uniforms, you'll notice the embroidery on their sleeves. This means their in the cavalry.
Me: The devil you say!
Anyway, when there wasn't a battle, you could wander to the big tents, where they had living history presentations. We learned about the Union generals, and A.P. Hill.
That one was really good. The guy playing A.P. Hill was the same guy who played him the movie Gettysburg, and he was an excellent presenter.
We went to a Civil War wedding, a fashion show, ghost stories, a live mortar demonstration, (that was really cool) a cannon demonstration, and checked out the band, which had a guy playing the bones.
Notice that for this song, he's actually playing a jaw bone, complete with teeth.
The second battle was at 5, and it was an infantry battle. It also featured a much better narrator who explained what the groups were doing and why.
I'll hand it to those re-enactors though, it was incredibly hot and they were out there running, marching, fighting, dying dramatically (on our side, a Southern deserter made a run for it, only to be chased down and shot by an officer on horseback) and they did it all while covered head-to-toe in wool costumes and carrying a soldier's pack (including blankets).
My camera, not so great at the far away shots.
That evening, we went out to eat, and then went to the celler of the Farnsworth House Inn. The 7th most haunted house in America. Our storyteller was very good. He was an older, larger, Southern Gentleman with a wicked sense of humor. His stories had us cracking up, to the point where Becca asked if this was a ghost tour or a stand up routine.
When he started on the ghost stories though, it got pretty intense. Some of them were especially creepy, and pretty much gauranteed that I will never stay in the Farnsworth House Inn.
Never. Ever. Ever....Ev-er.
Sunday we explored the town. It's a cute little town, with lots of touristy shops that are fun to explore. Plus that part of the country is just absolutely gorgeous.
We went out to the Boyd's Bears HQ, which we were told was "Just a barn, right outside of town."
It's just a barn the way the Deathstar is just a space station.
It's fricking enormous. We had a lot of fun in there. I don't think it's possible to go in there and not spend money.
I bought a stuff orangutan and named him Capt. Terror. He will guard my books like The Librarian from the Terry Pratchett novels.
That afternoon we signed up for a bus tour of the battlefields. It was really good. We got to drive out to all the battle sites, in the order that they happened. Our CD died after the first day account, so our guide just took over.
I actually like his better. You could tell he was very passionate about the battle, and he knew all these cool little details about the various monuments that have been put up.
We went to Little Round Top, and then he showed us Devil's Den, the Slaugherhouse, the Bloody Wheatfield, and the Peach Orchard.
You don't always here about those parts of Gettysburg, and the stories there were pretty intense.
If you get a chance, it's definitely a trip worth taking.
Friday, July 06, 2007
Friday Fun
At last! Having Wednesday off messed up my sense of time, but we're finally at Friday with a full weekend to enjoy. Yeah!
This calls for superheroes.
A fun parody of the Mac vs. PC ads, it's Marvel vs. DC.
This calls for superheroes.
A fun parody of the Mac vs. PC ads, it's Marvel vs. DC.
Thursday, July 05, 2007
Transformers
Was AWESOME!!
It's a great movie to see in the theaters, on a big screen with surround sound. Just for that awesome moment at the beginning when Blackout (Decepticon/evil Transformer in the shape of a Blackhawk helicopter) first transforms, complete with all those cool robot sounds from the 80s cartoon.
It looks real.
They did an amazing job with the special effects. Watching Starscream (Evil Jet Plane) shifting constantly during a dog fight with the USAF made my heart happy. I'm a Starscream fan. I admit it.
What can I say? The bad guys not only have all the cool names, but they change into cooler vehicles.
The car chase between Barricade (Evil Cop Car) and Bumblebee (Good Camaro) was intense. In fact, all of Bumblebees scenes were cool. Bumblebee was cool.
And that in itself was amazing, considering that he was primarily a source of kiddie comic relief.
But they made him sooo cool.
In fact, anytime they focused on the secondary plot line with all the human characters I was twitching in my seat. I wanted to chant, "Bring back the robots!!"
The military scenes were very well done. Every time they showed the military it was like looking at shots from the USAA calendar. Gorgeous. There's a scene where two A-10 "Warthogs" attack a decepticon that made me clap and cheer. There were also some nice shots of a Naval Carrier Battle Group (although they didn't do anything but look pretty. It just makes me wish even more for an Evangelion movie, just so we can see Unit 2's sea battle.)
If you can swing it, this is definitely one to see in the theaters. It's not very bloody (mainly just robots whaling on each other and stuff getting blown up) and there's isn't even a lot of swearing. I think they tried really hard to keep it family friendly. My favorite line was after Shia Labeouf watched his camaro (Bumblebee) drive off by itself. He calls 911 and reports "Satan's camaro is in my backyard!"
Since transformer video isn't out yet, here's the dancing Citroen:
It's a great movie to see in the theaters, on a big screen with surround sound. Just for that awesome moment at the beginning when Blackout (Decepticon/evil Transformer in the shape of a Blackhawk helicopter) first transforms, complete with all those cool robot sounds from the 80s cartoon.
It looks real.
They did an amazing job with the special effects. Watching Starscream (Evil Jet Plane) shifting constantly during a dog fight with the USAF made my heart happy. I'm a Starscream fan. I admit it.
What can I say? The bad guys not only have all the cool names, but they change into cooler vehicles.
The car chase between Barricade (Evil Cop Car) and Bumblebee (Good Camaro) was intense. In fact, all of Bumblebees scenes were cool. Bumblebee was cool.
And that in itself was amazing, considering that he was primarily a source of kiddie comic relief.
But they made him sooo cool.
In fact, anytime they focused on the secondary plot line with all the human characters I was twitching in my seat. I wanted to chant, "Bring back the robots!!"
The military scenes were very well done. Every time they showed the military it was like looking at shots from the USAA calendar. Gorgeous. There's a scene where two A-10 "Warthogs" attack a decepticon that made me clap and cheer. There were also some nice shots of a Naval Carrier Battle Group (although they didn't do anything but look pretty. It just makes me wish even more for an Evangelion movie, just so we can see Unit 2's sea battle.)
If you can swing it, this is definitely one to see in the theaters. It's not very bloody (mainly just robots whaling on each other and stuff getting blown up) and there's isn't even a lot of swearing. I think they tried really hard to keep it family friendly. My favorite line was after Shia Labeouf watched his camaro (Bumblebee) drive off by itself. He calls 911 and reports "Satan's camaro is in my backyard!"
Since transformer video isn't out yet, here's the dancing Citroen:
The Fourth
We celebrated the fourth by going to see Transformers (More than Meets the Eye) and then going into town to watch the fireworks over the National mall.
My office building gives out tickets so that you can watch the fireworks from the roof. It's a great view, close to the metro (amazingly we missed the crowds) and since it rained pretty hard yesterday, we didn't have to sit in mud.
Actually, I just found out today that there was a tornado warning out for our area yesterday. Fortunately there was just rain, and no tornadoes.
DC puts on a great show. They shot fireworks for a half hour, with so many in the finale that an enormous clouds of smoke from the first half of the finale obscured bits of the second.
My favorites were the one that burst in the shape of hearts, stars, and enormous smiley faces.
The only bad thing is that I had to come back to work today, and it feels like a Monday. In fact, I even started gathering up the house garbage this morning. (Monday is garbage day)
My office building gives out tickets so that you can watch the fireworks from the roof. It's a great view, close to the metro (amazingly we missed the crowds) and since it rained pretty hard yesterday, we didn't have to sit in mud.
Actually, I just found out today that there was a tornado warning out for our area yesterday. Fortunately there was just rain, and no tornadoes.
DC puts on a great show. They shot fireworks for a half hour, with so many in the finale that an enormous clouds of smoke from the first half of the finale obscured bits of the second.
My favorites were the one that burst in the shape of hearts, stars, and enormous smiley faces.
The only bad thing is that I had to come back to work today, and it feels like a Monday. In fact, I even started gathering up the house garbage this morning. (Monday is garbage day)
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
Tuesday Fun
Since today is kinda like a Friday, I was going to post some fun stuff, a Ninja Report, maybe the next bit of the story.
But then I was given an 18 page report to type up. And while my Word-fu is strong, it ain't that strong.
So here's my favorite episode of Chad Vader: Day Shift Manager.
But then I was given an 18 page report to type up. And while my Word-fu is strong, it ain't that strong.
So here's my favorite episode of Chad Vader: Day Shift Manager.
Monday, July 02, 2007
Oooo-kay
As I was walking home I passed a group of volunteers handing out religious pamphlets in front of the metro entrance.
Every one of them was wearing a bright yellow shirt that read "Jews for Jesus."
Does that make sense to anyone else?
Every one of them was wearing a bright yellow shirt that read "Jews for Jesus."
Does that make sense to anyone else?
Ninja Report 3: West Virginia, Mountain Mama
Sing along everybody.
"Blue Ridge mountains, Shenendoah River."
This weekend BSA and I drove to West Virginia and went white water rafting on the lower New River. We went as part of a group of YSA's from church, so there were about 30 of us in all.
Friday Night: BSA and I rode down with our friend The Teacher, who was playing in the softball championship game. (church ball) So we got a bit of a late start. We left on our 5 hour drive at 11:30 Friday night.
Amazingly, we did not get stuck in traffic on the 66. Although there were still plenty of cars out.
3:00-4:00: Driving through a heavy fog in the West Virginian mountains is Eerie. There was a full moon and everything. Every now and then we'd pass a coal mining operation with all their flood lights and machine lights bouncing oddly in the fog. I couldn't decide if anticipating an attack from Vampires or Aliens would be more appropriate.
4:30: Arrive at our campground. Fortunatley The Teacher had sent her tent down with an earlier party, and they were kind enough to set it up for us. We just grabbed our sleeping bags and crashed, trying to make the most of our three hours before we had to get up and report to the rafting lodge.
5:00: Some jerk has his cell phone alarm set. It rings loudly about 15 times before falling silent. It will do this every ten minutes until:
7:30: We get up. There are many evil and violent mutterings about cell phone jerk. He is foremost in our thoughts until we realize the enormous spider on the side of the tent is actually on the INSIDE and not on the outside as previously thought.
Hijinks ensue. Spider does evenutally end up dead.
8:00: BSA and I suit up, arming ourselves with paddle, life vest, and helmet. Due to popularity of the river, we don't actually hit the water until almost 9:30.
This makes BSA very unhappy. She manages to restrain her fury, and fails to bite or audit anybody.
We were in a four man raft. BSA and I were up on the front of the raft, where we had first contact with the waves and minimal contact with the actual raft. More on that later.
The other two in our boat were a guy and girl we didn't know. They were very entertaining. Especially the girl, who challenged every boat we passed to a duel, a water war, or stealthy night vengeance. My favorite battle cry of hers was "I'm coming for you [name redacted]! I'm coming for you like an eel in the night!"
Which then led us to become: Team Night Eel.
It was only later that I learned that they were entertaining more than they were working. Which was annoying, but also a bit of a relief. I was about ready to start lifting weights because I thought I'd gone really wimpy. Turns out that BSA and I were hauling around an entire boat.
I can't even begin to describe to you how sore I was Sunday morning. In fact, my muscles are still complaining today.
The New River is gorgeous. It goes through some amazing countryside. You have the mountains rising above you, and every square inch is packed in with decidious trees. The banks are lined with enormous rocks. It must be incredibly beautiful in the fall. Hopefully we'll come back and run the gully in October.
The New River has rapids from Class 1 (baby rapids) up to Class 5. A samurai lady at my fortress/office disputes this, saying they only have Class 5 rapids in the gulley. However, our guide said we went down two Class 5 rapids Saturday. I don't know who's right. If it's water bouncing off a rock, it's a rapid to me.
On the Class 1s they let us hop out of the raft and swim down the rapids. That was fun. The water was actually warm and very pleasant to drift around in.
We lost BSA over the side on one rapid. (Class unknown, either 4 or 5) I fell off on another.
Actually, technically, I didn't fall of the raft, the raft left me.
We were bouncing through some rapids that featured many, many enormous rocks. Our raft bounced up along side a rock and started to tip over. Now our guide told us that if that happened, he would yell "High Side! High Side!" and everyone should jump to the high side so that the raft wouldn't tip over. (The low side is the side in the water)
Anyway, the guide yells "High Side!" and since I'm going into the water, I un-wedge myself and go to jump to the opposite end of the raft. Suddenly the raft is no longer there. I have just enough time to feel like Wile E. Coyote, hanging in midair with a big question mark above my head, before I fall into the water.
Fortunately there was a big rock underneath me, so I didn't go very deep. I bounced off the rock and into the current, which then preceded to smash me up against the side of the raft. I grabbed on to a rope and my raft mates pulled me in.
Corbeau + Being Pulled in the Raft = The Very Picture of Dignity.
That's all I'm going to say about that.
It was a blast. I have very sore muscles, some fascinating bruises, and two scarlet knees.
Apparently, my knees and upper thighs have the power to reject sunscreen. I applied the same sunscreen (30 SPF) everywhere, and most of me looks as if I stayed inside and played computer games all weekend. But my knees and thighs are a lovely, painful shade of scarlet.
Now I have that funky old lady gait because I'm trying to walk with minimal contact between clothing and burn.
"Blue Ridge mountains, Shenendoah River."
This weekend BSA and I drove to West Virginia and went white water rafting on the lower New River. We went as part of a group of YSA's from church, so there were about 30 of us in all.
Friday Night: BSA and I rode down with our friend The Teacher, who was playing in the softball championship game. (church ball) So we got a bit of a late start. We left on our 5 hour drive at 11:30 Friday night.
Amazingly, we did not get stuck in traffic on the 66. Although there were still plenty of cars out.
3:00-4:00: Driving through a heavy fog in the West Virginian mountains is Eerie. There was a full moon and everything. Every now and then we'd pass a coal mining operation with all their flood lights and machine lights bouncing oddly in the fog. I couldn't decide if anticipating an attack from Vampires or Aliens would be more appropriate.
4:30: Arrive at our campground. Fortunatley The Teacher had sent her tent down with an earlier party, and they were kind enough to set it up for us. We just grabbed our sleeping bags and crashed, trying to make the most of our three hours before we had to get up and report to the rafting lodge.
5:00: Some jerk has his cell phone alarm set. It rings loudly about 15 times before falling silent. It will do this every ten minutes until:
7:30: We get up. There are many evil and violent mutterings about cell phone jerk. He is foremost in our thoughts until we realize the enormous spider on the side of the tent is actually on the INSIDE and not on the outside as previously thought.
Hijinks ensue. Spider does evenutally end up dead.
8:00: BSA and I suit up, arming ourselves with paddle, life vest, and helmet. Due to popularity of the river, we don't actually hit the water until almost 9:30.
This makes BSA very unhappy. She manages to restrain her fury, and fails to bite or audit anybody.
We were in a four man raft. BSA and I were up on the front of the raft, where we had first contact with the waves and minimal contact with the actual raft. More on that later.
The other two in our boat were a guy and girl we didn't know. They were very entertaining. Especially the girl, who challenged every boat we passed to a duel, a water war, or stealthy night vengeance. My favorite battle cry of hers was "I'm coming for you [name redacted]! I'm coming for you like an eel in the night!"
Which then led us to become: Team Night Eel.
It was only later that I learned that they were entertaining more than they were working. Which was annoying, but also a bit of a relief. I was about ready to start lifting weights because I thought I'd gone really wimpy. Turns out that BSA and I were hauling around an entire boat.
I can't even begin to describe to you how sore I was Sunday morning. In fact, my muscles are still complaining today.
The New River is gorgeous. It goes through some amazing countryside. You have the mountains rising above you, and every square inch is packed in with decidious trees. The banks are lined with enormous rocks. It must be incredibly beautiful in the fall. Hopefully we'll come back and run the gully in October.
The New River has rapids from Class 1 (baby rapids) up to Class 5. A samurai lady at my fortress/office disputes this, saying they only have Class 5 rapids in the gulley. However, our guide said we went down two Class 5 rapids Saturday. I don't know who's right. If it's water bouncing off a rock, it's a rapid to me.
On the Class 1s they let us hop out of the raft and swim down the rapids. That was fun. The water was actually warm and very pleasant to drift around in.
We lost BSA over the side on one rapid. (Class unknown, either 4 or 5) I fell off on another.
Actually, technically, I didn't fall of the raft, the raft left me.
We were bouncing through some rapids that featured many, many enormous rocks. Our raft bounced up along side a rock and started to tip over. Now our guide told us that if that happened, he would yell "High Side! High Side!" and everyone should jump to the high side so that the raft wouldn't tip over. (The low side is the side in the water)
Anyway, the guide yells "High Side!" and since I'm going into the water, I un-wedge myself and go to jump to the opposite end of the raft. Suddenly the raft is no longer there. I have just enough time to feel like Wile E. Coyote, hanging in midair with a big question mark above my head, before I fall into the water.
Fortunately there was a big rock underneath me, so I didn't go very deep. I bounced off the rock and into the current, which then preceded to smash me up against the side of the raft. I grabbed on to a rope and my raft mates pulled me in.
Corbeau + Being Pulled in the Raft = The Very Picture of Dignity.
That's all I'm going to say about that.
It was a blast. I have very sore muscles, some fascinating bruises, and two scarlet knees.
Apparently, my knees and upper thighs have the power to reject sunscreen. I applied the same sunscreen (30 SPF) everywhere, and most of me looks as if I stayed inside and played computer games all weekend. But my knees and thighs are a lovely, painful shade of scarlet.
Now I have that funky old lady gait because I'm trying to walk with minimal contact between clothing and burn.
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