Friday, June 29, 2007

Bummer

It's mainly from living in DC. That totally messed up my score!

Also, the zombie quiz thinks I need to work on my food storage. How embarrassing is that?

54%

Woo-Hoo

We're Family Friendly!!

Online Dating
I'm pretty sure it's Wonder Woman's patriotic leotard that nudged us out of "G."

Friday Fun

I found this on the awesome TV in Japan website. It's a gameshow featuring the treadmill of doom!

There are four stations set up along an enormous treadmill. Each station has a cookie, and the contestents have to run from station to station and eat the cookies. Each time they eat a cookie, the treadmill gets faster.

It's freaking hilarious.

My favorite part though? The hosts. I love the pose they strike whenever they say "Cookie." I so want to try it. I could try it while standing on the metro platform or something, and I'd say, "Boy, I sure could go for a COOKIE!" *Strike Pose*

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Hellboy: Blood and Iron

I've netflixed the Hellboy cartoons and I have to admit that I like them. There's only two out right now, but I hope they make more, and not just because I crack up every time they show a full shot of Hellboy.


I mean look at those teeny little legs! I know it's the animation style, but still, everytime I see them I'm expecting them to snap at any moment.

Blood and Iron features team Hellboy against the Blood Countess or, as she's apparently known in animation circles, the Creepy Vampire Lady of Monstrous Big Hair.

I couldn't even find a screen shot from Hellboy that had both her face, and all of her hair. Hopefully this suffices:

Just picture it as an enormous black rectangle continuing off screen.

And for comparison purposes, the Blood Countess from Vampire Hunter D:


Big hair aside, the story is pretty good. Ron Perlman is a great Hellboy, plus he has all the really great lines. My favorite from his fight with Hecate: "Lady, I was going to cut you some slack because you're a major mythological figure - but that? That's crazy talk. Now leave me alone!"

This movie also has the greatest conversation about office pastries in movie history. Unfortunatley it's not on IMDB yet. So you'll just have to take my word for it. (I could transcribe it, but that is WAAAY too much work for a cartoon review)

Of course, the real reason to see any Hellboy movie? Abe Sapien.

Checklist for tonight

• Formal Wear
• Half a Mask
• Roses
• Troupe of excitable ballerinas
• A papier-mache musical box, in the shape of a barrel-organ. Attached, the figure of a monkey in Persian robes playing the cymbals. . . still in working order.
• Chandelier (2)
• Rockin' organ solo

Did I forget anything?

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

So Dumb it's Funny

I can't help it. I crack up every time I watch this stupid prairie dog.



Here he is in a slighter longer contex:

Ninja Report 2

It's hot today. Hot and muggy. The kind of hot and muggy that makes it impossible to forget that I live in a giant, paved-over swamp. As I walked to work I passed a Macey's that was getting its upper-floors power washed. The spray hung in the air, misting around as it tried to answer the call of gravity, only to be absorbed into the greater mugginess. Most people walked around the spray. I walked through it. It felt nice.

Unfortunately it's cooling effect was fleeting. By the time I reached the end of the block, I couldn't even muster a proper city hello for the jeep that almost hit me in the crosswalk (slam on hood, yell "Hey you Jerk!" or some derivitive thereof.) I just shot them a dirty look instead.

I'll have Bunny Raven give you a demonstration.


"Jerks."

The only good news from my morning commute is that I've found a deli that still has chocolate milk stocked by the time I get in. Yeah!! Take that CVS! You and your wierd inventory that has three slots full of banana milk, while the one chocolate milk slot lies lonely and depleted.

Monday, June 25, 2007

Ninja Report 1

Friday: 6.22.07

8:30: Report to ninja compound. Today's mission: To secure, copy, and fedex 12 sacred scrolls to their appropriate destinations.

9:30: Sensei stops by my desk to obtain status report.
Sensei: "So, how's that copy job coming."
Me (confused): "You haven't given me the scrolls yet."
Sensei: "I haven't?"

Obviously this part of a training mission where I have to sneak into his office and steal the scrolls. After that, it's simply a matter of giving the scrolls to the monks in the copy room.

10:00: Take advantage of compound reconstruction project to gain access to A/C vents. Use the vents to get into sensei's office from above.

10:15: Knife trap!

10:30: Enemy ninjas, or possibly, contractors, cut power to reception. Take advantage of resulting chaos to sneak scrolls to copy monks. A large wooden rabbit is reported at the front doors.

10:45: Internal memo approves fire bombing of enemy rabbit. Many enemy ninjas escape the rabbit's confines and assault the compound.

11:00: Power restored. Senior copy monk injured in ensuing fight with enemy ninja. Goes home sick. Dang it! I begin my hunt for the junior copy monk.

11:30: Sensei has stolen back the scroll.

12:00: Lunch

13:30: Scroll undergoes some serious revisions.

14:30: At last! Scroll is complete and ready for copying! Copy monk is at lunch. Dang it!

15:00: Copy monk returns. Together, we review the twisted, shattered remains of the binding machine. It has a rather large shuriken buried deep in its sparking innards.
Me: "Well, can we contract the copy job out?"
CM: "Sure. I have a contact with the monastary down the block. They have a team of copy monks standing by."
Me: "Sweet."

17:30: Sweet, sweet, overtime baby.


Saturday: 6.23.07

23:00: I'm 40 miles south of the city, so can anyone tell me where on earth all this traffic came from?! Shouldn't you people be at home? Or a bar?

23:30: The Mixing Bowl. An aggressive tractor-trailor cuts across four lanes to barrel up behind me. Judging at the rate his grill is filling up my rearview mirror I guess he's going at least 20mph faster than I am. In front of me is aforementioned traffic. I'm pondering my future as a charred grease stain on the highway when the ipod starts playing Patsy Cline.

Getting smashed by a semi to the accompanient of Old Country just seems appropriate somehow.

UPDATE: Here's an illustration of my adventure. If I was a Doctor Ninja racing from zombies with my gorilla secretary behind the wheel and my Bandito sidekick providing backup. Dr. McNinja vs a Semi

24:00: Made it home. Yeah Me!!

Monday AMV

Because I really, really, really, really want new Avatar episodes!!

I guess I'll just have to make do with watching Katara kick a little booty.

Friday, June 22, 2007

Ninja Report

It's been brought to my attention that a blog, technically, is supposed to be some sort of online journal where I post about the activities of my day. Whereas I have been using it primarily to post AMVs and trash talk TV. (TV! Its a social activity! Really!)

Therefore I'm going to start a new series of posts called "Ninja Reports" where I talk about my day for whoever might be interested. If you're not interested, feel free to scroll past until you find an amusing youtube post.

Since I've been taught that one of the primary purposes of keeping a journal (family history!)is so that your descendants can read about what a fascinating person you are (seriously?) I'll try to make it as interesting as possible (make stuff up.)

Of course, the greatest benefit to this new feature is that now, whenever the topic of journal writing comes up in church, I can just sit back in smug self-rightousness and say "Yeah, I'm all over that like butter on toast."

Friday fun

Sokka and Dr. Evil. That's the kind of Friday I'm having.


Thursday, June 21, 2007

SYTYCD: 9 couples

A Paso Doble to Queen??!!

SERIOUSLY?!

Other quick notes from yeterday's 2 hour episode:

Mia Michaels was a judge, and either the dancers are better, or she's mellowed. She lacked her usual terrifying-yet-true critisicms.

Lacey reminds us all that 80s fashion is acctually coming back.

At least Benji wasn't plastered all over this episode. Yeah!

Faina owned the Foxtrot. I feel bad her partner is struggling so much. I really like her but think they'll be in the bottom three again tonight.

My favorite couples: Jesus and Sara, Jamie and Hok

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Awesome Avatar

Here are four videos explaining the martial arts behind each of the four bending styles.

Very interesting to watch.

1. Water/Tai Chi



2. Earth/Hung Gar



3. Air/Circle Walking



4. Fire/Northern Shaolin Kung Fu

Star Wars Funny

Did y'all catch the Robot Chicken Star Wars Special? It was basically all the Robot Chicken Star Wars clips back to back. Most were pretty funny, other were 'meh.'

This one is my favorite.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Monday AMV- Late

Yeah, yesterday got a little crazy. But here is an AMV for y'all to enjoy, and I'll just point out that my old friend Inflat-A-Rat was demonstrating down on 9th and F yesterday.

Friday, June 15, 2007

SYTYCD: First Cut

So the first review show. Wade choreographed the opening number, and no one I liked got sent home. All around a good show!

Friday Fun

The Simpsons do the Battle of Helm's Deep

Thursday, June 14, 2007

SYTYCD: Partners

Tonight was the first night that the top 20 danced in their designated couples.

With this many dancers, it's hard to pick favorites or even remember everybody's names, so I'll cover the choreographers first.

Shane Sparks: I like him. I think he's a really good guy, and he got to choreograph two dance tonight.

Mia Michaels: I love Mia! Wait, is that a mullet? When did she grow a mullet? Has it always been there and I never noticed? No, Mia NO!! Why??!! It looks awful. Truly it does.

Wade Robson: I LOVED his pop routine. The dancers were a little rough, but it was still freaking awesome.

UPDATE: Here is Sara and Jesus performing Wade's dance:


As for the individual dancers:

I think my favorite right now is Hok and Jamie. I thought they were entertaining and I loved Jamie's attitude during the hip hop routine.

UPDATE: Here's video of their dance:



The She-Benji actually did very well in her dance. Dang it. Are we going to be subjected to her cheeseball brother hamming it up for the camera during every audience shot?

Because that will be truly awful. Thank heavens for DVR.

My favorite individual dancer is Pasha. He's such a cutey. The slow waltz was beautiful, and I have to agree with Crazy Mary. Who wouldn't want to wear a flowy white gown and dance in the arms of a hot Russian?

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

All About Eve

I netflixed this movie so I can educate myself on all those classic movies you're supposed to see, but somehow never do. (Spartacus, I'm looking at you)

It was pretty good. Longish, with a creepy stalker vibe that builds up slowly and makes you sit through the whole movie just to make sure that at the end, creepy antagonist girl gets hers. (She does.)

Moral of this movie: It is never to early for a restraining order.

Anyway, Bette Davis has some nice, sarcastic one liners in this movie. But what really struck me was her appearance in the very first scene. They're all sitting around a table at an awards ceremony, and Bette Davis is sitting there, with her enormous, heavy lidded eyes and her mean face on, and it hit me. Bette Davis looks like an enormous bird of prey, perched in an evening dress, waiting for the opportunity to swoop and kill.

I expected a dead rodent to show up on her plate at any moment.

I really need to become a little more familiar with my DVD editing software, so that I can upload awesome screen captures to accompany posts like this.

It's on my to-do list.

Monday, June 11, 2007

Monday AMV

A neat one about those brave and creative souls who make AMVs.

Thursday, June 07, 2007

Story: The Hunt for WW Part Tres

The witch, Yama-Uba, grinned as burning shards fell around her. She called the night wind and inhaled deeply as it brushed past her face. Through the smoke she could smell blood and fear. Her victim had somehow escaped the fireball, but not unscathed. She walked around the tree and knelt on the dark spotted grass. Her long fingers swept across the forest floor, wiping up the fresh blood. Rubbing it between thumb and forefinger, she closed her eyes and cast her spell, using the blood to forge a link to the thief.

There. In her mind, Yama-Uba saw a small red spark, racing through her mental map of the forest. So, the little rat was running was she? She had stolen lawful prey from Yama-Uba and would answer for her crime. The powerful witch gathered her magics around her, crafting a retrieval spell that would both ensnare and punish. Yama-Uba fueled the spell with her own rage, working it up to a fever pitch before unleashing it into the forest.

As the spell energy left her, Yama-Uba permitted herself a tired, triumphant moment to appreciate her own spellcrafting before settling herself comfortably at the base of a tree. A tree that wasn’t on fire.

Yama-Uba leaned back against the trunk, closed her eyes briefly and then said “You might as well come out. I know you’re there.”
The darkness seemed to unfold and a small, pale woman dressed all in black stood in front the witch.
“A bit late aren’t you?” Yama-Uba taunted the woman.
“I wanted to make a dramatic entrance” BSA replied cheerfully.
YU harrumphed and flicked her fingers, launching a hex at the sassy wench. The hex flew, faster than thought, only to bounce harmlessly off an unseen barrier. BSA smiled, casually checking her manicure as she commented, “Nice curse. For an old lady.”
YU frowned, “I can still teach a young witch some manners.” Her hair began to float wildly around her head.
“I’m a vampire actually.” BSA chimed helpfully, her eyes turning red as she focused her powers.


They locked gazes. The two women stood motionless as they used their powers to try and overcome the other’s mind. Minutes ticked by. The witch’s hair fell flat. Another minute. BSA felt sweat trickling down her face, but she didn’t dare break eye contact. She was a vampire for pity’s sake; she should be able to hypnotize an old lady.

BSA focused and broke through yet another psychic barrier only to sense the witch’s mind control spell, an oily snaky thing, trying to creep in while she was distracted. She pictured a rolling ocean wave, scooping up the oily spell and carrying it back to the witch. The spell wriggled madly in the waves only to be dashed against the witch’s mental barriers. BSA’s felt a flash of triumph as the spell bounced off the wall, fragmenting into hundreds of little pieces. As the spell fragments fell off the wall and back into the water, they began to change. The witch smiled as each tiny fragment turned into a fish. BSA’s triumph turned to horror as an entire school of frenzied piranha rushed her mental defenses. She changed the water to sand. In her mind, she called up massive desert dunes to suffocate the piranha but the little fish continued to swim through the sand; their jaws chomping madly.

BSA raised a hand as she wrestled for control of the spell. She felt a flash of pain as she raised a massive wall of sand and changed it to brick. The fish leapt over it. She changed the wall to glass and crashed it down on top of the piranha, shattering it into thousands of deadly shards. Yama-Uba gasped as the shards shredded the piranha. “That should kill the little monsters” BSA thought fiercely, “and just in time too.” The strain of the battle was taking its toll. She could feel the sweat through her suit jacket. She lifted the broken glass and crushed it into a large, spiky ball. With enough force it would blast straight through the old woman’s defenses. As the last of the glass lifted off the piranhas they jumped upright, suddenly encased in armor that sprouted eight-jointed legs as they rushed en masse towards BSA.
“Oh Sick!” yelled BSA. Her concentration was broken and BSA knew had to run before Yama-Uba took over her mind. BSA dropped eye contact and burst into dozens of bats winging madly away.
Yama-Uba let her flee. The score with the vampire would be settled later. The thief had to be dealt with now.

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Random Thought

Should I be worried that my Special Dark Hershey Chocolate Bar (Natural Source of Flavanol Antixidants!) has printed detailed instructions on how to unwrap it?

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Chocolate Adventure

There's a great little hot sauce shop down in Eastern Market. I love it. I braved the pending storm, speed walking through the heat and humidity to jog up the brick steps and bask in the stores air conditioned confines.

There was one other customer, she and the clerk were discussing chili chocolate. While I've heard of putting hot chilies in chocolate, the thought has never appealed to me. Then again, the bulk of my experience with hot sauce was its use as a flavor suppressant not as a flavor enhancer. (Thanks Navy!)

The lady remained unconvinced, so the clerk brought out a small golden box of chocolates and asked her to try one.

Apparently the thought of this made her nervous since she turned to me and asked if I was going to have one too.

I said, "Oh no. I'm actually here shopping for a father's day present." (Surprise Dad!) Because I'm a wimp with a sensitive digestive tract.

She then turned to the clerk, "Well are they all hot?"

He pointed out that the round ones were the hottest, but the dark chocolate square wasn't so hot.

I looked at the little balls. A sympathetic reaction in my gut told me that they were pure evil rolled into a chocolate ball and dusted with cocoa powder. Since I had no desire to toss cookies in the hot sauce store, I picked up the dark chocolate square. I asked the clerk, "This one is mild right?"

He replied, "Well, not MILD. Just not as hot as the other one."

Great.

The lady took a hot ball. Then we stood facing each other, like children in a dare, taking mutual courage from the fact that we faced possible public humiliation together.

I bit into my chocolate, eating half of it with one bite.

It was called Citrus Fire.

With the first bite the smooth bitterness of the dark chocolate filled my mouth, mixing with the sweet, gooey caramel filling that spilled out of the chocolate to dribble down my chin.

I can never eat a caramel without leaving wayward caramel strands somewhere on my face. It's my curse and my burden.

But I digress.

My first reaction was "mmmmmmmmmmmm" because is there any other reaction to high quality dark chocolate and caramel? I think not. As I chewed I discovered the subtle presence of orange even as I wondered, feared the coming of the promised fire.

It was subtle. A small tickling, burning sensation at the back of my mouth. From there it spread, a warm, gentle heat that was actually very pleasant.

The lady across from me was enjoying her chocolate as well. "That's really good!"
I nodded and said, "Yeah, it wasn't that hot at all!"

Apparently, Citrus Fire knows a good entrance line when it hears it, because at the very moment my entire mouth ignited.

I don't know if I turned red, but I spent the next ten minutes sweating while I shopped.

Hmm, just thinking about it makes me hungry. Nuts, now I'll have to go buy a box of those little suckers.

Monday, June 04, 2007

Monday AMV

This one is particularly brilliant.

Someone has taken the opening sequence of Cowboy Bebop, and remixed it as an alternate opening for Evangelion.

My eyeballs go squinty with pain just thinking about the amount of work that went into this.

Friday, June 01, 2007

The Rescue Part II

Meanwhile, back at the chicken house, DFL slumped against the cushions in her mediation room. It was open and airy, with a small fountain that burbled happily over smooth dark stones. She had come here after the planning session (Operation: Eminent Domain) to meditate, separating her consciousness from her body to enter the astral plane. The forest was even creepier when viewed through spiritual eyes. In her astral form DFL could see the wild magic pulsing throughout the forest as she sped to her designated spot. Spirits of earth, air and water eyed her passing, some with way too many eyes, and DFL vowed that if she was eaten, she would never speak to her friends again. She waited near the trap, staying well away from any trees until an exhausted Wonder Woman slogged through. TA sprung her trap, the witch disappeared and WW promptly passed out. Right. Time to go to work. With a sigh DFL flowed into WW’s mind, and suddenly found herself surrounded by stars, stripes, and cows.

“Always with the cows, this girl.” DFL tisked , “Very well. Time to stand up.”
WW opened her eyes and stood up. DFL felt very, very tall. And imposing. And had a sudden urge to pound something. Possessing WW was the psychic equivalent of driving a hummer to the grocery store. Despite these urges DFL tried to stay low to the ground, avoiding the witch’s attention. She was carefully picking her way to the chicken house when an explosion rocked the forest floor. A ball of heat and sound smashed WW/DFL into the ground, followed by a shotgun hail of splinters. As the last of the splinters bounced off her leather jacket, DFL lifted her head and surveyed the damage. Most of the trees around her were smoldering, some were still on fire, and the witch was nowhere to be seen. It was definitely time to get out of there. DFL decided to forego sneaking, since WW wasn’t built for it anyway, and raced to the chicken house.

If someone happened to observe this frantic flight through the woods, they might have made the observation, “Dude. Wonder Woman totally runs like a girl.”

SYTYCD: Auditions

The best part of the SYTYCD auditions? All the beat boys,(bboys?)breakers and poppers. Those guys are amazing and fun to watch.

Unfortunately, most of them get cut in the choreography round, or in Vegas during partner dance, lyrical, ballroom, or other dances that require a lot of technical proficiency. The auditions in LA brought the return of Hok. I hope he makes it to the top 20, because he is awesome.



There was also this amazing popper: Phillip Chbeeb. Although I believe he auditioned in Chicago.



That guy is crazy.

The real fun starts next week with the dream crushing horror of the Las Vegas auditions.

Judging from the previews, lots of dancers break down and cry.