A little something to help SOME of us get through our work day.
Friday, December 29, 2006
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Pachabel is stalking me!
A comedian's awesome rant about Pachabel's Canon in D. Although his little whine about only having 8 quarter notes to play struck no sympathy from me. He should try low brass. I had songs where I rested for 54 measures, followed by exciting whole notes of doom.
Greenday's Basketcase will always make me think of Pachabel now.
Greenday's Basketcase will always make me think of Pachabel now.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Horoscopes for 2007
From The Onion.
Taurus April 20 - May 20
After years of wandering purposefully through life, a chance encounter this April will at last restore your faith in mere coincidences.
Scorpio October 24 - November 21
This year will mark the 30th anniversary of Star Wars, so there's really little point in speculating what it will hold for you.
Capricorn December 22 - January 19
Marriage will feature prominently in your life during the first half of 2007, while hope and an opportune flight of stairs will feature prominently in your life during the second half.
So marriage in the future for WW and BSA. You go girls!!
The Best of the Rest:
Libra September 23 - October 23
Learn to focus on the positives this year, instead of just dwelling on January, February, March, April, May, June, July, August, September, November, and December.
Cancer June 22 - July 22
2007 might finally be the year when you take your life into your own hands and begin doing something proactive about your future. Keep checking back here to see if that's indeed the case.
Aries March 21 - April 19
You will be reunited with a long-lost love as soon as the last of the snow melts away in March.
And my personal favorite:
Pisces February 19 - March 20
The New Year will start out with a bang for you. Unfortunately, it will also end with a bang for you.
Taurus April 20 - May 20
After years of wandering purposefully through life, a chance encounter this April will at last restore your faith in mere coincidences.
Scorpio October 24 - November 21
This year will mark the 30th anniversary of Star Wars, so there's really little point in speculating what it will hold for you.
Capricorn December 22 - January 19
Marriage will feature prominently in your life during the first half of 2007, while hope and an opportune flight of stairs will feature prominently in your life during the second half.
So marriage in the future for WW and BSA. You go girls!!
The Best of the Rest:
Libra September 23 - October 23
Learn to focus on the positives this year, instead of just dwelling on January, February, March, April, May, June, July, August, September, November, and December.
Cancer June 22 - July 22
2007 might finally be the year when you take your life into your own hands and begin doing something proactive about your future. Keep checking back here to see if that's indeed the case.
Aries March 21 - April 19
You will be reunited with a long-lost love as soon as the last of the snow melts away in March.
And my personal favorite:
Pisces February 19 - March 20
The New Year will start out with a bang for you. Unfortunately, it will also end with a bang for you.
Chapter the Sixteenth
In which there are many exclamation points!!!!!!!1111!!!!!one!!!!
With the clickety-clack of little goat hooves a faun came tapping into the glade. He had a long red scarf wrapped around his neck to protect him from the cold. He also carried a small knapsack over his shoulder. He looked up and stopped as our heroes and faun stared at each other in shock.
TA was the first to recover, “I notice that you have neither packages nor umbrella, but so help me if your name starts with the letter ‘T’ I’m taking you down.”
“Oh my goodness deary me!” the faun started “no no no my name starts with a … ‘S’ Mr., uh Smith. Yep that’s me.” He said helpfully as he surreptitiously reached into the knapsack. “And since you all seem like such nice and kind people, I’m going to play you a little song” he brought out a small, elegantly carved pan pipe.
“Watch out he’s reaching for his piece!” With a mighty bound WW leapt across the glade and smacked the pipe out of the faun’s hands. She then slid behind him and locked him in a full nelson, threw him in a dragon suplex and finished with a spinning bulldog.
“Whoa. I think you killed him. That’s it, no more WWE for you!” DFL admonished.
“Murder is not the Amazon way. He’s just knocked out. Besides, he was going to use his pipes to control our minds, and fill them with dreams, fantasies and naughty dancing!! He had to be stopped.”
“Mind control?” DFL asked.
“Naughty dancing?” BSA asked.
TA picked the pan pipe out of the snow. “Don’t even think about it you two.” She said as she deposited the pipe in one of her many secret pockets. She looked at the bruised and bloodied faun and sighed. “We really need to talk to him. Dictator, do you think you could wake him up?”
“Sure.” DFL glided over and gingerly took hold of his hair, lifting the faun’s head. “Hello in there! Wakey Wakey!”
“That’s not exactly what I meant.”
“Well I should get paid extra for touching him in the first place. His hygiene is less than fabulous. I’m not about to saunter into his mind” DFL huffed.
“Great. I guess we’ll just have to wait for him to wake up.” BSA sighed, throwing a reproachful look at WW.
“I’m not apologizing. That was a beautiful Nelson! YOU should apologize. I’m not apologizing.” WW turned beet red as she folded her arms and refused to apologize.
So our dauntless heroes waited for the faun to wake up. BSA amused herself by tying him up (don’t ask where she got the rope from. Trust me on this, you don’t want to know) DFL filed her nails, TA meditated and WW tried to explain the pros and cons of a full nelson versus a three quarter nelson. Eventually, the faun regained consciousness.
“Ow.” The faun said.
“All right you little twerp” BSA (bad cop) started “You’re going to tell us everything you know or we’re going to let the Amazon bounce you around some more.”
“No. Stop. Don’t hurt this innocent and obviously harmless faun.” DFL (good cop) drawled in bored tones as she checked her manicure. BSA shot her a dirty look.
“All right look” the faun explained carefully through his bruised and puffy lips. “I’m a mythical creature, you’re obviously heroes on some sort of quest. I just can’t give you information. You have to earn it.”
“How do we do that?” TA asked.
“The usual. Solve a riddle, find some impossible thing, beat me in a game..”
“Game! I vote game!” BSA cheered.
“Very well, untie me and bring me my knapsack.” The faun reached deep into the sack and pulled out:
A: Chess
B: Battleship
C: Boggle
D: Trivial Pursuit: Pop Culture Edition
With the clickety-clack of little goat hooves a faun came tapping into the glade. He had a long red scarf wrapped around his neck to protect him from the cold. He also carried a small knapsack over his shoulder. He looked up and stopped as our heroes and faun stared at each other in shock.
TA was the first to recover, “I notice that you have neither packages nor umbrella, but so help me if your name starts with the letter ‘T’ I’m taking you down.”
“Oh my goodness deary me!” the faun started “no no no my name starts with a … ‘S’ Mr., uh Smith. Yep that’s me.” He said helpfully as he surreptitiously reached into the knapsack. “And since you all seem like such nice and kind people, I’m going to play you a little song” he brought out a small, elegantly carved pan pipe.
“Watch out he’s reaching for his piece!” With a mighty bound WW leapt across the glade and smacked the pipe out of the faun’s hands. She then slid behind him and locked him in a full nelson, threw him in a dragon suplex and finished with a spinning bulldog.
“Whoa. I think you killed him. That’s it, no more WWE for you!” DFL admonished.
“Murder is not the Amazon way. He’s just knocked out. Besides, he was going to use his pipes to control our minds, and fill them with dreams, fantasies and naughty dancing!! He had to be stopped.”
“Mind control?” DFL asked.
“Naughty dancing?” BSA asked.
TA picked the pan pipe out of the snow. “Don’t even think about it you two.” She said as she deposited the pipe in one of her many secret pockets. She looked at the bruised and bloodied faun and sighed. “We really need to talk to him. Dictator, do you think you could wake him up?”
“Sure.” DFL glided over and gingerly took hold of his hair, lifting the faun’s head. “Hello in there! Wakey Wakey!”
“That’s not exactly what I meant.”
“Well I should get paid extra for touching him in the first place. His hygiene is less than fabulous. I’m not about to saunter into his mind” DFL huffed.
“Great. I guess we’ll just have to wait for him to wake up.” BSA sighed, throwing a reproachful look at WW.
“I’m not apologizing. That was a beautiful Nelson! YOU should apologize. I’m not apologizing.” WW turned beet red as she folded her arms and refused to apologize.
So our dauntless heroes waited for the faun to wake up. BSA amused herself by tying him up (don’t ask where she got the rope from. Trust me on this, you don’t want to know) DFL filed her nails, TA meditated and WW tried to explain the pros and cons of a full nelson versus a three quarter nelson. Eventually, the faun regained consciousness.
“Ow.” The faun said.
“All right you little twerp” BSA (bad cop) started “You’re going to tell us everything you know or we’re going to let the Amazon bounce you around some more.”
“No. Stop. Don’t hurt this innocent and obviously harmless faun.” DFL (good cop) drawled in bored tones as she checked her manicure. BSA shot her a dirty look.
“All right look” the faun explained carefully through his bruised and puffy lips. “I’m a mythical creature, you’re obviously heroes on some sort of quest. I just can’t give you information. You have to earn it.”
“How do we do that?” TA asked.
“The usual. Solve a riddle, find some impossible thing, beat me in a game..”
“Game! I vote game!” BSA cheered.
“Very well, untie me and bring me my knapsack.” The faun reached deep into the sack and pulled out:
A: Chess
B: Battleship
C: Boggle
D: Trivial Pursuit: Pop Culture Edition
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Nope, I still hate Stan.
Ha ha ha!! This lovely little clip combining Stan with Weird Al almost makes me feel bad about nailing him into a coffin. Almost.
I can hold my breath for 10 minutes!
Monkey Island outtakes set to anime.
Sigh, I miss that game. Any game that features a pack of piranha poodles is good with me.
Sigh, I miss that game. Any game that features a pack of piranha poodles is good with me.
Monday, December 18, 2006
Monday AMV
I thought I'd get one that WW is actually familiar with this time. I looked for Witch Hunter Robin, but they were all way too EMO for my tastes. So we get to watch Toph in all her awesomeness.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Chapter Whatever
In which BSA has some truly sparkling dialogue.
“I say we head west” WW stated authoritatively, striking leadership pose #23 for dramatic effect.
BSA gave an aggrieved huff, the wolf version of “I told you so” and bounded westward through the drifts.
TA leapt from the tree top and rolled elegantly to the side of her teammates as they followed.
“So why do you think we should go west WW?” DFL queried, trying to keep her mind off her freezing feet.
“Well,” stated WW, “I really wanted to go South and search for penguins and/or polar bears, but then I remembered something my favorite cartographer professor used to tell us.”
“Oh? What was that?” TA asked.
“Go West, young man. Go West.”
DFL and TA shared a confused look.
“I think that might have been a history professor” TA replied at the same time DFL helpfully pointed out, “But you’re not a man.”
“I know that!” WW flushed a bright red as she spluttered “What I meant to say was that whenever I’m drawing maps west always seems easier for some reason. So logically, the west on this map should be the easiest direction as well.”
DFL raised her eyebrows, “Logically. Of course, how could it be any different?”
“Of course.” TA agreed (eyebrow status unknown due to ninja cowl.)
Just then our heroes came out of the trees and into a little glade, where a single black, iron lamppost brought the awkward conversation to a merciful end.
BSA was beside the lamp post, head high as she sniffed the wind intently. DFL and WW walked out to join her as TA continued to skulk along the tree line.
“Something about this place seems awfully familiar” TA said softly, “I don’t trust it.”
“You’re right. I know I’ve seen this before” DFL mused thoughtfully, “Hallmark greeting card?”
Suddenly, BSA’s growl rattled the peaceful glade, hackles raised as she crouched for an attack.
“What is it girl? What’s wrong” WW asked breathlessly.
“Bark BARK BARK wuff wuff bark bark BARK BARK!!”
“What’s that?! Little Timmy’s down the well!?!”
There was a quick squooching sound as BSA morphed back into her terrifying accountant form. She fixed WW with steely glare, “Don’t make me hurt you.” She sighed and looked at the other girls. “We’re surrounded by lawyers. Prepare yourselves.”
As if sensing her words, thick shadows spilled through the trees, surrounding the glade in an inky black circle. The shadows continued to pile on themselves until resolving into roughly humanoid shapes in power suits and armed with briefcases. Above the collar, the shadows swirled lazily in the rough approximation of a head.
“We are here to protect the intellectual property of the Disney Corporation and the C.S. Lewis estate. You will be sued. Resistance is futile.”
Under her mask TA blanched, “Oh crap. It was an accident, I swear!”
“Intent is irrelevant. You will cease and desist, or you will be destroyed.”
WW snapped her fingers, “I knew this looked familiar!”
With blinding speed TA flipped a shuriken at the lamppost, shattering the light.
“There!” She said triumphantly, now it’s a busted lamp post in the middle of a glade. That hasn’t been copyrighted!”
There was a brief silence as the shadows considered the now broken lamppost. They slowly began to melt away, their presence lingering watchfully in the darkness of the forest.
“Yeah, you better run!” BSA scoffed, “Nothing is scarier than an accountant!”
“I wonder what their rates are.” DFL wondered as visions of power danced in her head.
“Phew, that was close.” TA sighed.
“Well, I guess we should continue going west” WW said, picking her way through smashed glass across the glade.
However, our heroines’ westward trek was interrupted by the arrival of:
A: An attack squirrel
B: A woodsman
C: A faun in a long red scarf
D: This option is currently under construction. We apologize for any inconvenience.
“I say we head west” WW stated authoritatively, striking leadership pose #23 for dramatic effect.
BSA gave an aggrieved huff, the wolf version of “I told you so” and bounded westward through the drifts.
TA leapt from the tree top and rolled elegantly to the side of her teammates as they followed.
“So why do you think we should go west WW?” DFL queried, trying to keep her mind off her freezing feet.
“Well,” stated WW, “I really wanted to go South and search for penguins and/or polar bears, but then I remembered something my favorite cartographer professor used to tell us.”
“Oh? What was that?” TA asked.
“Go West, young man. Go West.”
DFL and TA shared a confused look.
“I think that might have been a history professor” TA replied at the same time DFL helpfully pointed out, “But you’re not a man.”
“I know that!” WW flushed a bright red as she spluttered “What I meant to say was that whenever I’m drawing maps west always seems easier for some reason. So logically, the west on this map should be the easiest direction as well.”
DFL raised her eyebrows, “Logically. Of course, how could it be any different?”
“Of course.” TA agreed (eyebrow status unknown due to ninja cowl.)
Just then our heroes came out of the trees and into a little glade, where a single black, iron lamppost brought the awkward conversation to a merciful end.
BSA was beside the lamp post, head high as she sniffed the wind intently. DFL and WW walked out to join her as TA continued to skulk along the tree line.
“Something about this place seems awfully familiar” TA said softly, “I don’t trust it.”
“You’re right. I know I’ve seen this before” DFL mused thoughtfully, “Hallmark greeting card?”
Suddenly, BSA’s growl rattled the peaceful glade, hackles raised as she crouched for an attack.
“What is it girl? What’s wrong” WW asked breathlessly.
“Bark BARK BARK wuff wuff bark bark BARK BARK!!”
“What’s that?! Little Timmy’s down the well!?!”
There was a quick squooching sound as BSA morphed back into her terrifying accountant form. She fixed WW with steely glare, “Don’t make me hurt you.” She sighed and looked at the other girls. “We’re surrounded by lawyers. Prepare yourselves.”
As if sensing her words, thick shadows spilled through the trees, surrounding the glade in an inky black circle. The shadows continued to pile on themselves until resolving into roughly humanoid shapes in power suits and armed with briefcases. Above the collar, the shadows swirled lazily in the rough approximation of a head.
“We are here to protect the intellectual property of the Disney Corporation and the C.S. Lewis estate. You will be sued. Resistance is futile.”
Under her mask TA blanched, “Oh crap. It was an accident, I swear!”
“Intent is irrelevant. You will cease and desist, or you will be destroyed.”
WW snapped her fingers, “I knew this looked familiar!”
With blinding speed TA flipped a shuriken at the lamppost, shattering the light.
“There!” She said triumphantly, now it’s a busted lamp post in the middle of a glade. That hasn’t been copyrighted!”
There was a brief silence as the shadows considered the now broken lamppost. They slowly began to melt away, their presence lingering watchfully in the darkness of the forest.
“Yeah, you better run!” BSA scoffed, “Nothing is scarier than an accountant!”
“I wonder what their rates are.” DFL wondered as visions of power danced in her head.
“Phew, that was close.” TA sighed.
“Well, I guess we should continue going west” WW said, picking her way through smashed glass across the glade.
However, our heroines’ westward trek was interrupted by the arrival of:
A: An attack squirrel
B: A woodsman
C: A faun in a long red scarf
D: This option is currently under construction. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Monday, December 11, 2006
Monday
I have the returning to work blues. Fortunately, I have the antics of some stir-crazy squids to make things seem a little better.
Saturday, December 09, 2006
Teen Starlets
Thanks to the guys at Robot Chicken, all the hype around Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spear et al., suddenly makes a lot more sense.
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Plot-O-Matic the Third
DFL: A Fashion-ista's Revenge
an original screenplay concept
by The Author
Political thriller: An Jedi warrior teams up with a well-built female cyborg to find the true meaning of love. In the process they play Russian roulette with four British men on welfare. By the end of the movie they beat up 47 washed up ex-SNL cast members and end up winning the admiration of their world, living happily ever after.
Think Waterworld meets Cleopatra.
In my defense, Emperor Palpatine was a Dictator AND a Jedi Warrior, so I think it works here.
an original screenplay concept
by The Author
Political thriller: An Jedi warrior teams up with a well-built female cyborg to find the true meaning of love. In the process they play Russian roulette with four British men on welfare. By the end of the movie they beat up 47 washed up ex-SNL cast members and end up winning the admiration of their world, living happily ever after.
Think Waterworld meets Cleopatra.
In my defense, Emperor Palpatine was a Dictator AND a Jedi Warrior, so I think it works here.
The Plot-O-Matic Strikes Back
BSA: Blood and Taxes
an original screenplay concept
by The Author
Romance: A sexy district attorney teams up with an alcoholic ex-CIA agent to commit the perfect crime. In the process they turn state's evidence on a nun. By the end of the movie they poison 5 double agents and end up winning the admiration of their co-workers, living happily ever after.
Think Gone With the Wind meets Interview with a Vampire.
Can you believe the Plot-O-Matic has no vampire option!!?? A sexy DA was the closest I could come to a blood sucking accountant type.
And what did the poor nun ever do to you?
an original screenplay concept
by The Author
Romance: A sexy district attorney teams up with an alcoholic ex-CIA agent to commit the perfect crime. In the process they turn state's evidence on a nun. By the end of the movie they poison 5 double agents and end up winning the admiration of their co-workers, living happily ever after.
Think Gone With the Wind meets Interview with a Vampire.
Can you believe the Plot-O-Matic has no vampire option!!?? A sexy DA was the closest I could come to a blood sucking accountant type.
And what did the poor nun ever do to you?
The Plot-O-Matic
Here's a great site that helps you generate instant Hollywood gold.
site
What fun! Here's my epic starring our favorite Amazon:
Wonder Woman, Story of a Patriotic Leotard
an original screenplay concept
by The Author
Action: A war hardened soldier teams up with a cute dog named Jake to save the earth from aliens. In the process they accidentally kill a super intelligent chimpanzee. By the end of the movie they hijack 15 oogly aliens and end up winning the admiration of their universe, living happily ever after.
Think Die Hard meets Star Wars.
site
What fun! Here's my epic starring our favorite Amazon:
Wonder Woman, Story of a Patriotic Leotard
an original screenplay concept
by The Author
Action: A war hardened soldier teams up with a cute dog named Jake to save the earth from aliens. In the process they accidentally kill a super intelligent chimpanzee. By the end of the movie they hijack 15 oogly aliens and end up winning the admiration of their universe, living happily ever after.
Think Die Hard meets Star Wars.
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Ninja Day--Late
Yesterday was Ninja Day. I celebrated this prestigious day drinking Theraflu and sleeping through Return of the King. Hopefully, y'all had much better Ninja Days. Here are the Ask a Ninja guys, with the heartwarming tale of how Ninja Day got started.
Monday, December 04, 2006
Monday Music Video
Today our video is dedicated to WW, since I'm betting that she's the only one who can correctly identify all the instruments.
Sunday, December 03, 2006
A Little Taste
Here are two shorts from Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix showcasing Bellatrix and Luna Lovegood. Helena Bonham Carter brings the crazy as Bellatrix and I have to admit that I really like Luna, even without her glasses. I guess she fell prey to the pernicious "Only Harry Potter can wear glasses" lobby.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)