After a minor hiatus, the office ninja is back and proudly states that unlike other mere mortal ninjas who require two legs, she only requires one leg and three awesome roommates to continue in the shadowy arts.
Here are this week's horroscopes:
Your Birthday Today
A huge jerk from the future will journey back hundreds of years just to inform you that none of your actions, neither imminent nor looming, will have the slightest bit of consequence on the Man–Machine War of 2486.
Taurus April 20 - May 20
At this rate, weekly psychiatric sessions will help to cure you of your single-minded materialistic worldview in no time.
Scorpio October 24 - November 21
It is unwise to judge a book by its cover, especially if the cover contains an enthusiastic blurb from the Oklahoma Evening Gazette.
Capricorn December 22 - January 19
While it's easy to get overwhelmed, just remember: The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single plane-ticket reservation.
Best of the Rest:
Virgo August 23 - September 22
After 86 years spent dreading the moment it would occur, your lengthy past will catch up with you this week.
Leo July 23 - August 22
Endless complaints that your talents are being wasted at work will finally pay off when management decides to promote you to the new position of "Head Whiner."
Aquarius January 20 - February 18
To no avail, you will once again pray exactly 223 times for God to heal you of your lifelong obsessive-compulsive disorder.
And my personal favorite of the week:
Libra September 23 - October 23
The stars take great offense at your offhand dismissal of their predictions as "a whole lot of hot air," since they are by definition large celestial bodies composed of masses of gas in which the energy generated by internal nuclear reactions is balanced by the release of heat.
Thursday, June 22, 2006
Friday, June 02, 2006
Story: Now with Punks!!
SB grinned as he whipped a remote control from one of the many pockets on his baggy pants. He pressed the button and our heroes were hit with a sudden wave of heavy, moist air. It wrapped around them oppressively, soaking the park and making every breath a harsh, labored exercise.
As the humidity worsened, TA felt her hair twisting medusa like as it tried to free itself from the confines of her ninja cowl. WW regretted her leather statement of patriotism, and DFL briefly considered regretting her choice of white Roman toga before deciding that regret was beneath her.
Only BSA remained unaffected. “Like a little humidity will stop an auditor” she scoffed, “Skaterboy you’re going down!!”
SB ignored her and pressed another button, and the entire park began to shake as the jaded sounds of Strike Anywhere summoned an army from the streets of DC…an army of punks!!
“This song, ‘Riot of Words’ is like totally deep.” SB intoned as the first wave of punks ran past the treasury building and headed straight for DOAC park.
BSA hissed at this flagrant disregard for the glories of capitalism and reached into the inner lining of her suit, and pulled out what looked like a grenade. She pulled the pin and hefted it at the front line where it exploded into reams and reams of ten-key audit tape ,wrapping around the punks and hopelessly entangling them. The tangle got worse as the runners behind slammed into the trapped front lines, and then got even more confusing when the rear guard decided that this was a mosh pit and joined in enthusiastically.
BSA smiled and rubbed her hands in gleeful anticipation. “Lunch!” She crowed as she launched herself into the chaotic horde of punks.
“Oh great, not again!” TA moaned as locks of hair began curling out from under her mask. “Well someone should probably go get her. I nominate you WW.”
“Why me?!!” WW sighed petulantly “I always have to do the rescuing.” Just then a large black and white cow fell out the sky and smashed into the Amazon, driving her into the cement pathway.
“Get out of town!” Yelled DFL, “Since when do cows fall out of the sky!”
“It’s almost like she dared to threaten the powers that be, and now has been punished for her arrogance.” TA looked in awe at the carnage.
“Yeah but a cow?!” DFL pointed out.
“Not just any cow” continued TA, “that’s a Holstein. A breed known for its distinctive color markings and outstanding milk production.”
“Oh. Well that’s appropriate then.” She sighed, “WW’s a strapping young girl I’m sure she’ll be fine.”
“BSA might not be though, it looks like the anarchist sensibilities of the punks is dissolving the audit tape.” TA pointed as the unruly mob once again began lumbering towards the park.
“Man, I HATE when I have to get involved. It’s too much like actual work.” DFL’s rant was cut short as the punks finally reached the park.
So, who’s battle story would you like to hear first?
A: BSA
B: DFL
C: WW
D: TA
As the humidity worsened, TA felt her hair twisting medusa like as it tried to free itself from the confines of her ninja cowl. WW regretted her leather statement of patriotism, and DFL briefly considered regretting her choice of white Roman toga before deciding that regret was beneath her.
Only BSA remained unaffected. “Like a little humidity will stop an auditor” she scoffed, “Skaterboy you’re going down!!”
SB ignored her and pressed another button, and the entire park began to shake as the jaded sounds of Strike Anywhere summoned an army from the streets of DC…an army of punks!!
“This song, ‘Riot of Words’ is like totally deep.” SB intoned as the first wave of punks ran past the treasury building and headed straight for DOAC park.
BSA hissed at this flagrant disregard for the glories of capitalism and reached into the inner lining of her suit, and pulled out what looked like a grenade. She pulled the pin and hefted it at the front line where it exploded into reams and reams of ten-key audit tape ,wrapping around the punks and hopelessly entangling them. The tangle got worse as the runners behind slammed into the trapped front lines, and then got even more confusing when the rear guard decided that this was a mosh pit and joined in enthusiastically.
BSA smiled and rubbed her hands in gleeful anticipation. “Lunch!” She crowed as she launched herself into the chaotic horde of punks.
“Oh great, not again!” TA moaned as locks of hair began curling out from under her mask. “Well someone should probably go get her. I nominate you WW.”
“Why me?!!” WW sighed petulantly “I always have to do the rescuing.” Just then a large black and white cow fell out the sky and smashed into the Amazon, driving her into the cement pathway.
“Get out of town!” Yelled DFL, “Since when do cows fall out of the sky!”
“It’s almost like she dared to threaten the powers that be, and now has been punished for her arrogance.” TA looked in awe at the carnage.
“Yeah but a cow?!” DFL pointed out.
“Not just any cow” continued TA, “that’s a Holstein. A breed known for its distinctive color markings and outstanding milk production.”
“Oh. Well that’s appropriate then.” She sighed, “WW’s a strapping young girl I’m sure she’ll be fine.”
“BSA might not be though, it looks like the anarchist sensibilities of the punks is dissolving the audit tape.” TA pointed as the unruly mob once again began lumbering towards the park.
“Man, I HATE when I have to get involved. It’s too much like actual work.” DFL’s rant was cut short as the punks finally reached the park.
So, who’s battle story would you like to hear first?
A: BSA
B: DFL
C: WW
D: TA
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