Only if you wanted to be, you had three other choices.
The command chair swiveled around to reveal Janelle, Dictator for life, with her fingers steepled and an evil smirk on her face.
"Janelle" SS stammered, "No...it can’t be…NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!"
"Yes, it's me! And you have fallen right into my trap. I knew you couldn’t resist saving the city from rampaging aliens, so I hired these wookies and now I have you! With you out of the way, Schweet Schnookums, nothing stands between me and world domination! BWa Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!!!"
"But Janelle..”:
A) There’s still good in you, I can sense it.
B) You’ll never get away with it! Never Never Never!!
C) I'll have the bishop call you to the nursery! I swear I will!
D) Then I challenge you to fight me, Mano Y Mano or whatever...
thank heavens there's a singles ward and we don't have nursery. I'd say D. Let's see who's side you're really on.
Can’t we all just get along?
"Fight you? That is so not allowed." Janelle stepped down from the command chair, "You see, I've read the evil overlord list. I know that in keeping with my status as an Evil Overlord, I will neither fight fair nor honorably. And I know your secret weakness, so take this.
And with that she whipped out:
A) A cow
B) A McDonald’s value meal
C) A smurf
D) A hot, sexy, single, Maori warrior complete with ceremonial tattoos.
Yeah!!! D! D! D!
Friday, July 15, 2005
Thursday, July 14, 2005
Corbeau the Tenderfoot
As I prepare to move to a land with defining geography I find myself cursing my pre-crisis, Kryptonian plaster walls. Wielding my trusty hammer, each nail becomes a struggle for dominance until the evil plaster, sensing an opportunity of physics, releases the nail which then launches past my head into parts unknown. So, now that all my wall decorations are down, my entire apartment has become a real life minesweeper game.
Current score:
Corbeau: 5 Apt: 1
Update:
Corbeau: 13 Apt: 2
Current score:
Corbeau: 5 Apt: 1
Update:
Corbeau: 13 Apt: 2
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
I'm a slacker
But here's the next bit:
SS was proud of her glare. She had practiced it at home until all her mirrors melted, then she practiced it on household plants, insolent mortals, and the occasional bit of beef. She screwed up her face and directed the full might of her glare on the door, which dissolved into a lumpy mess on the floor. "Hmm," thought SS, "I sure hope they don’t try to go into orbit while there’s a giant hole in the hull; that could get messy." She shrugged and strutted inside. She found herself standing in what appeared to be a cargo bay. Just then klaxons went off, lights flared, and an angry voice gibbered over the PA. SS:
A) Makes a stand
B) Hides
C) Climbs into a ventilation shaft
D) Jumps back outside
A.) makes a stand but first, what are klaxons?
Klaxons are warning sirens/alarms...you know like AWWOOOGA AWWOOOGA, or just really irritating loud beeps, out of tune bagpipes, whatever, they’re loud and blaring.
SS could hear pounding feet nearing her location, well let them come. She struck heroic pose #72, (also practiced at home) with a slight sneer on her lips. The doors slid open to reveal a horde of
A) Aliens (like Sigourney Weaver type)
B) PUCHUUS ( A cute teddy bear type of alien)
C) Wookies
D) Democrats
although I'm tempted to go with Democrats, I'm gonna have to say Wookies.
Hordes of Wookies burst into the cargo bay, star wars blasters at the ready. A big one at the front steps forward, points at SS and says, "RREaaaarrrrrrrrrr OOWaarhhrrrrrggggg bweeeeeeeeeAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO grunt grunt"
SS cocks an eyebrow and says
A) So, who's up for fishing?
B) I don't have any bananas, but I am happy to see you.
C) What hole?
D) OOOOOOOOOOWwwwwwwwwwwwwwwaaaaaaarRRRRRRRRRR. EEEAAAAAAAAAOGgggggggaherrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
allright, let's go for humor and pick D.
SS, face scrunched with effort, replied to the Wookie in his own language. Luckily all those hours watching Star Wars paid off. Thus commenced an incomprehensible conversation full of vowels, howling and exaggerated hand motions. Finally the Wookie, exasperated, shot her with a stun ray and threw her butt in the brig. When SS woke up, she looked around and thought "All right, what would Sydney Bristow do?" Sydney would:
A) Smooch her cute but annoying partner
B) Get beat up, but still be just fine for a later escape
C) Escape after making witty remarks to her interrogators
D) Make a big deal out of an F-150.
probably E.) all of the above, but for the sake of your little fingers typing madly away we'll say C
SS ran down the passageways of the spaceship, the remains of a metal chair hanging from her two wrist manacles. "Whew!" she thought, "good thing my Wookie interrogators spoke English so I could distract them with my witty commentary and make my escape." She ran to the bridge, planning to storm it and make the Wookies leave by force if necessary. After a running gun battle she at last came to the bridge. Using blasters she'd taken off unconscious Wookies, SS burst into the bridge. "I demand you cease your attacks at once!"
The command chair swiveled around to reveal:
A) Sauroman
B) Mr. Bean
C) Darth Vader
D) Dictator for Life
oh now you're gonna bring me into it huh? I guess it must be dictator for life.
SS was proud of her glare. She had practiced it at home until all her mirrors melted, then she practiced it on household plants, insolent mortals, and the occasional bit of beef. She screwed up her face and directed the full might of her glare on the door, which dissolved into a lumpy mess on the floor. "Hmm," thought SS, "I sure hope they don’t try to go into orbit while there’s a giant hole in the hull; that could get messy." She shrugged and strutted inside. She found herself standing in what appeared to be a cargo bay. Just then klaxons went off, lights flared, and an angry voice gibbered over the PA. SS:
A) Makes a stand
B) Hides
C) Climbs into a ventilation shaft
D) Jumps back outside
A.) makes a stand but first, what are klaxons?
Klaxons are warning sirens/alarms...you know like AWWOOOGA AWWOOOGA, or just really irritating loud beeps, out of tune bagpipes, whatever, they’re loud and blaring.
SS could hear pounding feet nearing her location, well let them come. She struck heroic pose #72, (also practiced at home) with a slight sneer on her lips. The doors slid open to reveal a horde of
A) Aliens (like Sigourney Weaver type)
B) PUCHUUS ( A cute teddy bear type of alien)
C) Wookies
D) Democrats
although I'm tempted to go with Democrats, I'm gonna have to say Wookies.
Hordes of Wookies burst into the cargo bay, star wars blasters at the ready. A big one at the front steps forward, points at SS and says, "RREaaaarrrrrrrrrr OOWaarhhrrrrrggggg bweeeeeeeeeAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO grunt grunt"
SS cocks an eyebrow and says
A) So, who's up for fishing?
B) I don't have any bananas, but I am happy to see you.
C) What hole?
D) OOOOOOOOOOWwwwwwwwwwwwwwwaaaaaaarRRRRRRRRRR. EEEAAAAAAAAAOGgggggggaherrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
allright, let's go for humor and pick D.
SS, face scrunched with effort, replied to the Wookie in his own language. Luckily all those hours watching Star Wars paid off. Thus commenced an incomprehensible conversation full of vowels, howling and exaggerated hand motions. Finally the Wookie, exasperated, shot her with a stun ray and threw her butt in the brig. When SS woke up, she looked around and thought "All right, what would Sydney Bristow do?" Sydney would:
A) Smooch her cute but annoying partner
B) Get beat up, but still be just fine for a later escape
C) Escape after making witty remarks to her interrogators
D) Make a big deal out of an F-150.
probably E.) all of the above, but for the sake of your little fingers typing madly away we'll say C
SS ran down the passageways of the spaceship, the remains of a metal chair hanging from her two wrist manacles. "Whew!" she thought, "good thing my Wookie interrogators spoke English so I could distract them with my witty commentary and make my escape." She ran to the bridge, planning to storm it and make the Wookies leave by force if necessary. After a running gun battle she at last came to the bridge. Using blasters she'd taken off unconscious Wookies, SS burst into the bridge. "I demand you cease your attacks at once!"
The command chair swiveled around to reveal:
A) Sauroman
B) Mr. Bean
C) Darth Vader
D) Dictator for Life
oh now you're gonna bring me into it huh? I guess it must be dictator for life.
Friday, July 01, 2005
Part the 1st Continues!
Richelle spread her arms for balance, went up on her toes and began to spin in a tight pirouette. Faster and faster she spun, until she was but a blur to the human eye, and when she finally slowed down, she stood before the stunned populace clad in:
A) Patriotic leotard and high heeled boots, what else?
B) A black leather and chain outfit that violates 15 laws just by existing
C) A manly kilt
D) The full dress uniform of the British Beefeaters.
oh it has to be B please, Richelle in black leather? love it
There was a gasp from the watching crowd as Richelle emerged. Glossy, high-heeled, knee-high boots hugged her legs. A black leather, well leotard for lack of a better word, hugged her like a second skin. It accentuated her every curve while, when combined with the metal bra, managing to cover just enough to keep things PG-13. The outfit was completed with the small whip in a side holster for a combined look straight out of Helga's House of Pain and Pleasure.
Richelle looked down at herself, blushed a bright shade of chartreuse, and murmured something like "gonna kill them" before rallying to the duties at hand. After all, evil would not wait for a costume change. Richelle boldly strutted (in that kind of outfit all you can do is strut) to the middle of the street and offered her challenge.
"Stop these shenanigans you miscreants! I am. . .”
A) Wonder Woman!
B) Dark Mistress!
C) Really Serious!
D) Schweet Schnookums!
D.) Sweet Schookums
and I totally think you should be CCing Richelle on all this
Are you kidding? I was thinking about printing it and letting her read it while both of us are there, giving her multiple targets.
Ahem….
Richelle posed dramatically in the street, the wind ruffling her golden locks as she boomed out her challenge.
“I am Schweet Schnookums! And today your evil ends!!"
However the aliens ignored her, continuing to blow things away willy-nilly. SS scowled, pulled out her whip, and with a flick of her wrist wrapped it around one of the outlying structural supports of the alien craft. As SS soared through the air she pulled herself up the whip, hand over hand until she reached the spaceship. But how to get inside? SS
A) Knocks politely with her stiletto heel
B) Whips out a blow torch
C) Melts it by shooting lasers out of her eyes with her “President Glare"
D) Rings the doorbell and yells out "Avon calling!"
C.) melts it with her eyes
A) Patriotic leotard and high heeled boots, what else?
B) A black leather and chain outfit that violates 15 laws just by existing
C) A manly kilt
D) The full dress uniform of the British Beefeaters.
oh it has to be B please, Richelle in black leather? love it
There was a gasp from the watching crowd as Richelle emerged. Glossy, high-heeled, knee-high boots hugged her legs. A black leather, well leotard for lack of a better word, hugged her like a second skin. It accentuated her every curve while, when combined with the metal bra, managing to cover just enough to keep things PG-13. The outfit was completed with the small whip in a side holster for a combined look straight out of Helga's House of Pain and Pleasure.
Richelle looked down at herself, blushed a bright shade of chartreuse, and murmured something like "gonna kill them" before rallying to the duties at hand. After all, evil would not wait for a costume change. Richelle boldly strutted (in that kind of outfit all you can do is strut) to the middle of the street and offered her challenge.
"Stop these shenanigans you miscreants! I am. . .”
A) Wonder Woman!
B) Dark Mistress!
C) Really Serious!
D) Schweet Schnookums!
D.) Sweet Schookums
and I totally think you should be CCing Richelle on all this
Are you kidding? I was thinking about printing it and letting her read it while both of us are there, giving her multiple targets.
Ahem….
Richelle posed dramatically in the street, the wind ruffling her golden locks as she boomed out her challenge.
“I am Schweet Schnookums! And today your evil ends!!"
However the aliens ignored her, continuing to blow things away willy-nilly. SS scowled, pulled out her whip, and with a flick of her wrist wrapped it around one of the outlying structural supports of the alien craft. As SS soared through the air she pulled herself up the whip, hand over hand until she reached the spaceship. But how to get inside? SS
A) Knocks politely with her stiletto heel
B) Whips out a blow torch
C) Melts it by shooting lasers out of her eyes with her “President Glare"
D) Rings the doorbell and yells out "Avon calling!"
C.) melts it with her eyes
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