Critical Man Shortage

In a tersely worded statement issued last night, the Department of Single Awareness revealed the results of their most recent study indicating that the United States is in a severe man-drought. Local citizens responded with indignation, citing that symptoms have been apparent for years and the government is just now recognizing the problem, when it may already be too late.

"Why are my tax dollars going to fund a study that I, and any number of single women could have answered?" questioned L. Lawless of Dallas, TX. In San Diego, CA, L. Lane put it succinctly by saying, "there ain't no mens."

While critics are calling the news "sensational" and "outlandish" most women just want to know what is going to be done about it.

"We've tried everything," claims one woman, who wishes to remain anonymous, "from personal ads to online dating, to letting our grandmother try to set us up with her sister's mortician. We're running out of options!"

Unfortunately, at this time there is no sure solution. According to Secretary of State Ryan Gosling, we may just have to import them from China, "like everything else."

Stay tuned for our next report, "Definition of a Man" which seeks to establish why 5'3" and living with mom just doesn't cut it.

Part the first

Here we go!! Since these were orginally done by email, I have gone through and edited a wee bit. Fixed some grammar stuff and awkward sentences but now I give you, the first three paragraphs.

The day dawned overcast and chill. The air still carried the bite of winter as snowflakes drifted lazily through the haze of downtown Lincoln. “What a great day to be a miId-mannered telemarketer.” Richelle sighed happily to herself; happily because she Was a mild-mannered telemarketer. She swung circles in her chair and perkily started cold dialing. Suddenly, a piercing shriek rends the air. Trouble’s brewing in the peaceful metropolis!!
Does Richelle:
A) Stand at the window and stare with the rest of the office
B) Rush out to investigate
C) Finish her survey as the consummate professional that she is
D) Rush out to investigate; forgetting that her phone headset is still on, bringing her
to a rather abrupt and painful halt.

YOU DECIDE!!

ooh ooh ooh, D D D!!!!


There's an innocent soul in trouble! Richelle rushes to investigate, her long legs easily covering the distance as she leaps from her cubicle. Unfortunately, our hero forgets that she is still wearing her phone headset. Just as she reaches the end of her cubicle the cord snaps taut, yanking her head back as her feet, who still hadn't received the memo, continued their mad dash, stretching her out until she hung, horizontal, for a brief moment in the air before crashing to the floor.
Undaunted Richelle disentangled herself from the nefarious telephone cord and leapt down the stairs still she hit street level. Pausing for a moment behind the door, Richelle carefully checked through the handy little peep window. Left, Right, then Left again. All clear. She cracked the door and slithered out along the wall, just another shadow among many. She needn't have bothered. A human tide swept screaming down the street, being chased by

A) An alien spacecraft
B) An 800 pound giant gorilla
C) Mysterious black SUVs with tinted windows
D) A dragon


At the risk of being cliché
A) an alien spacecraft


Zounds! An alien spacecraft zapping people willy-nilly in the middle of downtown Lincoln! Richelle mused on the thought. Nope, this simply would not do. While her association with Janelle and Elaina had prepared Richelle for the strange and unusual, especially Elaina, space aliens were a little beyond her ken. She would have to become….*insert dramatic music here* Wonder Woman!!

Richelle raced down the street and:
A) Tore open her shirt
B) Hopped in a phone booth
C) Spun in a tight pirouette
D) Yelled “I have the power!" while pointing dramatically at the sky


ooh this is where my knowledge of comic book heroes fails me. I'm gonna go with my gut and choose C.

Thinking about John Smith

So today Nicole told me that with my hair pulled back into a twist I look like John Smith from Disney's Pocohantas. I'm not sure how I feel about this. But I have this sudden inner longing for a pointy steel hat.

Leather

Leather. One always wears leather to a blog event. WHIPCRACK!

All right Y'all

Let's get this puppy started.

Welcome Welcome

So this is the world of blogging. And it's so apropos - aspirations and avoidance. I don't know anyone else who can dream as large and procrastinate as long. And here we accomplished this in one short day. Party like a rockstar baby - we're blogging!

Just who is Schweet Schnookums anyway??

A valid question. Schweet Schnookums is a tall, almost Amazonian, blonde who uses her farm girl strength and cutting edge fashion sense to fight evil in the wilds of Nebraska.
These adventures started as an email story used by two friends to fight off the madness that results from staring too long at cornfields.
Hopefully these stories will be posted soon, unless SS (Schweet Schnookums) threatens to beat me up. Then they will just be vaguely hinted at while maintaining a perfectly innocent, story free blog.
The stories operate like an old choose your own adventure. Trying this on a blog format should be very interesting, and I'm excited to see how it goes.